As the World Turns

Postmodernism is a concept that implies that I am no longer me, and that I can’t be sure but I might be you so that when you send your dog to the psychiatrist, my mailbox gets a letter. It is a fragile, reality based construct derived from the impermeable notion that everything is relative.

If you’re looking for proof that we live in an age of uncertainty and that the world has turned on its head, try some recent headlines from this week's news.

1. After years of denials from the Vatican, the Washington Post has released evidence allegedly proving once and for all that the Pope is not Catholic.

2. Not to be outdone, the venerable New York Times announced that bears do not poop in the woods.

3. It has come to light from a careful reading of Nobel Prize winner John “Beautiful Mind” Nash’s chaotic journals that he had engaged in a series of clandestine meetings with the 1980 Olympic Committee at a New York bathhouse in an effort to influence the number of Gold Medals that would be award to the U.S. men’s gymnastics team in that year’s Summer Olympics.

4. It appears that President Bush has a legitimate excuse for some of his most serious gaffes in office, like, “Where are those weapons of mass destruction?” Bush has now gone on record to affirm, “I never would have made those statements if it hadn’t been for that durn Liberal running the teleprompter too fast.” According to a story in the Drudge Report, and verified beyond all shadow of a doubt by the able and heroically neutral journalism of Rush Limbaugh, a liberal had wormed his way onto the White House media staff. This unnamed liberal, who is currently being held in an undisclosed location in or around or possibly at the bottom of Guantanamo Bay, has purportedly admitted to having worked in the Liberal media before concealing his identity as a lowlife in order to obtain White House clearances. It has been learned from reliable sources that he was operating the presidential teleprompter during several of the president's critical speeches leading up to the war.

5. In a press conference, the Governor of New Jersey was asked what it’s like to be governor of a state that is the armpit of New York. He replied that it could be worse. “We could, for example, be the armpit of Philadelphia.” When an aide reminded him that New Jersey is also the armpit of Philadelphia, he purportedly mumbled, “Oh, isn’t that the pits.”

6. It has now been revealed by several influential blogs that there is no reality and that the blog entries here, as well as the virtual war in the Middle East and the floundering U.S. economy, are nothing more than fragments of our imaginations. “It’s all in your mind, you know,” said the now deceased prophet of the New Age. And the echo of his life message continues with us to this day in the infamous insight, “Don’t confuse me with the facts.”

7. Sad but true. Or sort of. Or not. Maybe?