The following is a re-write (in my own words) of my brother Dr. Ron Newman's article, "Seeking Balance in Pain Management," which originally appeared in the Hammonton Gazette. Ron has more than three decades experience as a psychologist and international speaker.
Pain is a paradox. It’s this raw, electric jolt in your brain, a signal screaming that something’s off. But here’s the twist: it’s also a gift. Without pain, we’d be clueless as our bodies broke down. Think of leprosy patients losing fingers to unnoticed cuts, or diabetics ignoring festering sores. Pain is the whistleblower, a friend who won’t shut up until you listen. Even phantom pain, the haunting of a missing limb, proves it’s not just flesh and bone. It really can be in your mind as well.
In other words, pain is not just physical; it weaves through emotions, relationships, and the psyche too. Studies say psychological tricks can slash suffering by 25-30%, even 50-100% for some fortunate souls. So, what if we stopped fighting pain and started working with it? Here’s my brother's take on finding that balance—and why pain might just be the gift we never asked for.
Make Peace with the Messenger
Pain’s not the enemy—it’s the lookout. Without it, how would you know the stove’s hot or that a splinter’s digging in? It’s the same with emotional stabs—conflict, loss, regret—they point to what needs fixing. Befriend it. Let it guide you to the problem instead of just numbing it out. Next time your back aches or a fight stings, ask: what’s this telling me? It’s not here to ruin you; it’s here to save you.
Stare Down the Fear
Fear of pain is a beast—it grows when you dodge it. Therefore Run too hard, and you’re sprinting straight into worse traps, like popping pills until you’re hooked. Face it instead. Let a little pain in—it keeps you real, humble, tethered to the dirt of life. It’s a signal, not a sentence. Ignoring it hands it the reins; confronting it keeps you in the driver’s seat.
Build Your Crew
Pain’s lighter with good people around. Lean on friends who get it—ones who listen, not lecture. Set boundaries on people who are demanding, the manipulators, or anyone peddling quick fixes that land you in deeper muck. Professional help or a wise friend can be gold here. You don’t have to carry it solo—God wired us for connection.
Toss the Blame Game
Forget “karma” or anyone smugly saying you earned this. That junk—your pain’s payback for some cosmic debt—just buries you in shame and helplessness. It’s not about past lives or ancestral curses; it’s about now. This type of thinking makes one feel more hopeless, powerless and passive. Reject it. It's the complete opposite of how you want to approach the issue at hand.
Accept Responsibility
You’re not powerless. Take the wheel. If exercise and stretching helps, do it. No one’s spoon-feeding you solutions—you’ve got to step up. Self-mastery isn’t sexy; it’s sweat and choice. But it’s where the gift starts shining—you’re not just surviving pain, you’re taking control.
Find the Good Stuff
Gratitude is a game-changer. Norman Cousins laughed his way through a killer illness, proving that a positive attitude can outpunch despair. It's a well-worn maxim that says laughter is the best medicine. Pain’s loud, but gratitude’s louder. Notice the coffee’s warmth, the sunset’s glow, a kid’s giggle. It’s not denial—it’s defiance. You’re telling pain it doesn’t own the story.
Grieving Is Healthy
Pain often drags loss in its wake—a leg gone, youth fading, dreams dented. Grieve it. Don’t bottle it up or fake a smile. A vet mourning a missing limb or an old-timer missing their prime—they’ve got a right to that ache. Grieving’s not weakness; it’s the slow burn that clears the way for something new. All loss has an appropriate grief cycle which is important to accept. Give yourself permission to experience grief. It will bear fruit later.
Push Back
Sometimes pain’s a glitch—your brain misfiring long after the wound’s healed. Overuse painkillers, and it might scream louder. Challenge it. Tell yourself, “I’m whole,” and act like it. It’s not mind-over-matter nonsense; it’s rewiring the signal. And if you’re leaning on faith, call on that too—God has got a track record of turning scars into stories.
Live Life to the Full
Don’t let pain bench you. Get a massage. Belt out a song. Stare at a painting or a forest until it sinks in. Push the limits—not reckless, but bold. Pain might tag along, but it doesn’t get to call the shots. God still has a purpose for you. Live like it.
Feed Your Soul
There are many great stories and books worth reading that deal with things you may be going through. Here are a few that my brother recommended in his article:
Unbroken by Laura Hillenbrand, where a POW outlasts hell.
Your Scars are Beautiful to God by Sharon Jaynes.
The Problem of Pain by C.S. Lewis, wrestling with suffering’s "why" questions.
Even Lord of the Rings, with Frodo hauling that ring through Mordor.
Watch films that lift you—tales of guts and grace, and overcoming. They’re not just stories; they’re fuel for the fight. Here are three that came to mind as I thought about these things: 127 Hours (James Franco) about a hiker trapped by a boulder in a remote canyon; The Pursuit of Happyness (Will Smith) about a homeless single father's battle to overcome poverty and rejection to become a stockbroker; The Diving Bell and the Butterfly, based on the memoir written by Jean-Dominique Bauby after a massive stroke in which he could move only one eyelid. All three are amazing true stories.
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Pain can be a brutal gift, no question. But it’s also a teacher, a compass and a nudge toward something bigger. Balance isn’t killing it—it’s dancing with it. Acceptance and defiance, grace and grit. That’s where the magic hides. What’s your pain pointing you toward today?