I was looking for a folder in one of my backup drives and came across a document titled "Modern Words of Wisdom." I share these here for entertainment purposes only.
* * *
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.
The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required on it.
The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Change is inevitable .... except from vending machines.
A fool and his money are soon partying.
If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.
How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hands ....
Attempt to get a new car for your spouse -- it'll be a great trade!
Drugs may lead nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route.
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
Everybody repeat after me....."We are all individuals."
Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.
Half the people you know are below average.
99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.*
42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
If you've read this far, maybe you'd like add a couple witticisms of your own in the comments. And do enjoy the rest of your day.
* * *
* This line deserves elaboration. My take aligns with Jonathan Swift (Gulliver's Travels author) who said the following in a letter to Alexander Pope: “I have ever hated all nations, professions, and communities; and all my love is toward individuals: for instance, I hate the tribe of lawyers, but I love Counsellor Such-a-one, and Judge Such-a-one: so with physicians— I will not speak of my own trade—soldiers, English, Scotch, French, and the rest. But principally I hate and detest that animal called man, although I heartily love John, Peter, Thomas, and so forth.”
No comments:
Post a Comment