The Survey Spiral
1. Post-Flight Feedback
Subject: Tell Us About Your Skyward Journey, Ed!
Dear Ed,
Thank you for flying with Horizon Airways on September 5, 2025. We’d love to hear about your experience soaring through the clouds! Please take 5-7 minutes to complete our survey and let us know how our in-flight service, seat comfort, and complimentary pretzel portion size met your expectations.
Your feedback helps us soar higher!
[Take the Survey Now]
Best,
Horizon Airways Customer Experience Team
P.S. This survey is managed by SkyFeedback Inc., ensuring your responses are confidential unless you mention the pretzels.
2. Restaurant Review Request
Subject: How Was Your Burger Bliss, Ed?
Dear Ed,
Thanks for dining at Burger Bonanza on September 5, 2025! We’re hungry for your thoughts. Please spend 10 minutes rating your meal, from bun fluffiness to fry crispiness. Was our staff’s smile wattage sufficient? Did the ketchup dispenser meet your squirting expectations?
Your input fuels our flavor!
[Click to Rate Your Meal]
Cheers,
Burger Bonanza Feedback Crew
P.S. Complete the survey for a 1% chance to win a free milkshake (terms apply).
3. Grocery Store Survey
Subject: Ed, Share Your Shopping Cart Story!
Dear Ed,
You recently shopped at Super One on September 6, 2025. We’re curious about your grocery adventure! Please take 12-15 minutes to evaluate the freshness of our produce, the ambiance of our canned goods aisle, and whether our self-checkout scanner’s voice was sufficiently soothing.
Bonus question: Did our parking lot inspire joy?
[Start the Survey]
Warm regards,
MegaMart Satisfaction Squad
P.S. Your responses may be shared with our AI to optimize carrot placement.
4. Susie’s Dinner Survey
Subject: Ed, How Was Tonight’s Pasta?
Dear Ed,
Thank you for dining at Home Kitchen with me (your wife, Susie) on September 6, 2025. I’d love your feedback on tonight’s pasta dinner. Please take 8 minutes to rate the sauce zestiness (1-5 stars), portion size, and my tableside manner. Was the candlelit ambiance romantic enough, or did the dog’s barking detract from the vibe?
Your input helps me plan next week’s menu!
[Click to Rate Dinner]
Love,
Susie
P.S. Don’t forget to do the dishes. I’ll send a follow-up survey about that.
5. My Dishwashing Survey
Subject: Susie, Rate My Dishwashing Performance!
Dear Susie,
Thank you for entrusting me with dishwashing duties on September 6, 2025. Please take 10 minutes to evaluate my scrubbing technique, soap suds consistency, and drying efficiency. Did I leave any pasta residue on the plates? Was my humming during the task uplifting or annoying?
Your feedback ensures sparkling clean dishes in the future!
[Take the Dish Survey]
Best,
Ed
P.S. I noticed a fork was still greasy—please don’t dock points for that.
6. Neighborhood Dog-Walking Survey
Subject: Ed, How Did Jubilee’s Walk Go?
Dear Ed,
Our Solway Neighborhood Watch AI detected you walking your dog, Jubilee, on September 6, 2025, at 7:32 PM. We’d appreciate 15 minutes of your time to rate our gravel road's walkability, the friendliness of passing squirrels, and whether Jubilee’s leash tension was optimal. Did you feel sufficiently neighborly during the stroll?
[Share Your Walk Experience]
Sincerely,
Sandberg Road Surveillance Committee
P.S. Your responses may be used to train our drone dog-walk monitors.
7. Coffee Mug Usage Survey
Subject: Ed, Tell Us About Your Morning Mug!
Dear Ed,
Our IoT-enabled coffee mug (#45892) recorded usage on September 6, 2025, at 8:03 AM. Please spend 20 minutes rating the mug’s grip comfort, heat retention, and existential contribution to your morning routine. Did the mug’s ceramic sheen inspire you to seize the day?
[Rate Your Mug Experience]
Yours in caffeine,
SmartMug Analytics Team
P.S. Non-responders may receive a follow-up survey about why they didn’t respond.
8. Dream Quality Survey
Subject: Ed, How Was Your Nap Dream on September 6?
Dear Ed,
Our SleepTrack 3000 brainwave monitor noted you napped from 2:15 PM to 2:47 PM on September 6, 2025. Please take 25 minutes to evaluate your dream’s narrative coherence, character development, and overall surrealness. Was the flying penguin subplot satisfying? Did the dream’s resolution leave you fulfilled?
[Rate Your Dream]
Best,
NeuroSleep Feedback Corp
P.S. Your dream data may be shared with our AI to optimize future nightmares.
9. Existential Life Choice Survey
Subject: Ed, Reflect on Your Life Decisions!
Dear Ed,
Our LifeScan Algorithm detected you made a choice (e.g., wearing socks with sandals) on September 6, 2025. Please dedicate 30 minutes to assess whether this decision aligned with your core values, societal expectations, and cosmic purpose. Did the socks enhance your aura? Would you choose differently in an alternate universe?
[Evaluate Your Existence]
Regards,
Quantum Life Review Board
P.S. Your answers may influence your multiversal doppelgänger’s choices.
10. Survey About Surveys
Subject: Ed, Rate Your Survey Experience!
Dear Ed,
You’ve received 9 survey requests between September 5-6, 2025. Please spend 45 minutes reviewing the tone, frequency, and emotional impact of these surveys. Did the font choices (e.g., Comic Sans in Survey #7) evoke trust? Were the questions sufficiently invasive to make you question reality?
[Survey the Surveys]
Eternally yours,
The OmniFeedback Collective
P.S. Failure to complete this survey will trigger an infinite loop of follow-up surveys.
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DISCLAIMER: This blog post is a work of fiction.
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