Our Tendency to Think the Worst: Why Does Our Self-Talk So Often Default to the Negative

Illustration by the author.

Philosophers and psychologists have long studied how the mind works, how our thinking relates to our behavior and how our beliefs impact our moods. In more recent years scientists have entered the game, examining the manner in which our very synapses fire or fail to fire, getting an inside look at the electrical impulses that zing through that grey matter we carry inside our skulls.

The nature of neurosis and how memory works are two themes that I've often pondered, and today's theme is similarly a lifelong companion. Why do our minds so frequently veer toward the negative? How is it that when something happens, or doesn't, we automatically think the worst.

The Beatles' White Album has a song that exemplifies this tendency, albeit in an almost hilarious way. Do you know which one I am talking about? It's written and sung by Ringo Starr, his first solo composition. He actually played it for the group in 1962 when he first joined The Beatles.

The song begins with the singer waiting for his girl friend to show up. When she remains absent, he thinks the worst.

I listen for your footsteps
Coming up the drive.
Listen for your footsteps
But they don't arrive.
Waiting for your knock, dear
On my old front door.
I don't hear it,
Does it mean you don't love me anymore?

Who hasn't been there? Waiting for a call. Waiting for a letter.

Illustration by the author.

In the film Immortal Beloved, Gary Oldman as Beethoven finds his wagon wheels stuck in the mud due to a heavy rain while attempting to reach a woman in waiting for a tryst. The anguish of this moment is expressed in the film score which plays the agonizing Second Movement of his Seventh Symphony.

Don't Pass Me By continues with Ringo lamenting, home alone, listening to the clock tick, and wondering where she is.

If you know the song, then you know the rest of the story. I can still remember watching my dad laugh out loud when the third verse was sung.

I'm sorry that I doubted you,
I was so unfair.
You were in a car crash,
And you lost your hair.
You said that you would be late
About an hour or two.
I said, "That's alright, I'm waiting here,
Just waiting to hear from you."

I know, it sounds awful--the car crash part--but it's sung in a country honk style that you can't take seriously. My point is that this tendency to think the worst, which my psychologist brother calls "awfulizing," is nearly universal.

THE TRIGGER for this blog post was a statement that Transition Life Coach Yana Stockman made in a talk she gave in December. She noted that we have two voices in our heads, the negative "Survival" brain and our true self.

Inc magazine recently published an article on the negativity bias. According to neuroscience our brains are actually wired to veer toward the negative as a protective device. Fortunately, we can break the spell negative thinking has on our minds. The first step is to Notice when we're doing this.

Introspection helps us recognize when we're feeding our minds with negative inputs. Next we Shift gears. That is, we choose a positive input. This can be something as simple as a choice to adopt an attitude of gratitude. After shifting we then Rewire. You can find the full article below in the Related Links.

Sometimes we can laugh at ourselves afterwards. In truth, once we get on that negative track it can take us right down a rabbit hole. Examples abound, and you no doubt have a few yourself.

Years ago I remember reading a book titled Telling Yourself the Truth, in which the author stated that much of what happens to us is directly related to our thinking. I just looked it up and the back cover blurb makes this statement: "Wrong thinking produces wrong emotions, wrong reactions, wrong behavior--and unhappiness! Learning to deal with your thoughts is the first step on the road to healthy thinking."

Much more can be said, but this enough to give you a nudge in the event your thinking is stuck in a rut.

Related Links
The Neuroscience of Breaking Out of Negative Thinking
A Visit with Transition Life Coach Yana Stockman

Was Ringo a Starr? Oh Yeah.

I recently watched a fascinating and insightful documentary about Led Zeppelin. I still recall exactly where I was when we heard their first mind-blowing album. Scott Homan's basement in Bridgewater, NJ. This album was their U.S. kickoff. The final punch-in-the-gut punctuation mark for their end as a band was the death of drummer John Bonham. The way the documentary put it, Bonham was the best rock and roll drummer that ever was.

Was he? For a long time I thought Ginger Baker was the man. His work with Eric Clapton and Jack Bruce put him on many critics' short list of stellar drummers.

And then there's Keith Moon of The Who. What about that crazy wild man? You can watch the YouTube and see his maniacal workmanship. Masterful mayhem.

I had all of Jimi Hendrix's albums and what stuck out for me was Mitch Mitchell's drumming on Manic Depression. To be part of the Hendrix experience you had to be good. Buddy Miles became the sequel in Jimi's abbreviated career.

Another phenomenal drummer was Buddy Rich whom I had the opportunity to see in Allentown a number of years ago, with his big band. Turns out he doesn't qualify as a great rock drummer because he's a great jazz drummer.

So, where does Ringo stand in all this? First off, those who dismiss him suggest comparisons of drum solos. Ringo's recorded drum solo is a relatively brief 16 bars at the end of Abbey Road, side two. Try Ginger Baker's "Toad" on Wheels of Fire. 

But are drum solos the true measure of a drummer? Charlie Watts (Rolling Stones), like Ringo, didn't really go for drum solos.

So where does Ringo stand as a drummer? Was he lucky or was he good?

When I was in college I remember a Playboy poll that had Ringo as Number One for several years in the 60s. (I'm going on hearsay here.) Was this bias due to the Beatles' fame?

His birth name, as every 60s kid knew, was Richard Starkey. Born in Liverpool he bested the Beatles' original drummer Peter Best, and became the fourth cornerstone of the most famous group in rock history. When the Beatles burst on the scene he was the steady force behind the boys, and showed his stuff not with dramatic drum solos, but rather with his charismatic, easy-going reliability.

Despite his career ups and downs since the breakup of the Beatles, Yoko Ono recently claimed, ‘He was the most influential Beatle." According to this 2015 article in the Spectator when Paul and John first spotted him in Hamburg, in his suit and beard, sitting ‘drinking bourbon and seven’, they were amazed. ‘This was, like, a grown-up musician,’ thought Paul. One night Ringo sat in for their drummer Pete Best. ‘I remember the moment,’ said Paul, ‘standing there and looking at John and then looking at George, and the look on our faces was like… what is this? And that was the moment, that was the beginning, really, of the Beatles.’

Here's an article that puts the Ringo question into perspective: 13 Reasons To Give Ringo Some Respect.

Ringo's influence can be noticed in the many ways others imitated him. For example, Ringo started the trend of placing drummers on high risers so that they would be as visible as the other musicians. When Ringo appeared on the Ed Sullivan Show in 1964, he immediately caught the attention of thousands of "drummers to be" by towering over the other three Beatles. Elvis's drummer was looking at a collection of backs.

Ringo's ability to play odd time signatures helped to push popular songwriting into uncharted areas. Two examples are "All you Need is Love" in 7/4 time, and "Here Comes the Sun" with repeating 11/8, 4/4, and 7/8 passages in the chorus.

There have been a lot of significant drummers and plenty of lists of the top ten or top 100. When it comes to Ringo's stature he's well respected by those in the know. Here's one list of the Top Ten Drummers of All Time. When describing the Beatles' drummer they state, "Without Ringo, The Beatles wouldn’t be The Beatles."

Ringo provided the essential foundation upon which the other Beatles could build anything and everything. What do you think?