A Father's Day Anecdote About Generosity

Dad in rocker, with my son Micah, 1987

My father was born in a temporary coal mining town in West Virginia the day after Christmas in 1929, two months after the stock market crash that preceded the Great Depression. Four months later the family moved to Cincinnati and eventually to Hamilton 20 minutes north, where many of my kin live to this day. 

Dad grew up skinny, poor, smart. Grandma, who had been a teacher in a one room schoolhouse before she married my grandfather, was religious and grandpa was anti-religious. Grandma attended the legalistic Nazarene church a few blocks up the hill. Because their home was across the street from a Pentecostal church, Grandpa would call the police on the church when it got loud, which was regularly. 

The neighborhood was dirt poor. My grandfather was harsh with his daughters and my dad’s older sister Fonda ran off to marry Oscar, who would become the town drunk. My dad’s sister Carol ran off to marry at 15 because of grandpa. (She hopped the fence when Grandpa said, “If I catch you talking to that boy again you won’t be able to sit down for a week.) 

EdNote: When Grandpa died, my father gave me the leather razor strop that grandpa used to whoop the kids to keep them in line. 

His brother Cecil was mentally ill, brain damage from high fever at age six during a measles epidemic. Cecil would sometimes take his clothes off and run off down the street. Dad would have to catch him and bring him home (if dad was around). One time they couldn’t find him for hours. Then they found him stuck up to his neck in the outhouse sludge.  (They had no running water so they could not hose him down. They had a pump house 20 feet from the back door. You can imagine that this must have been awful for everyone.)

Dad as a high school grad.

Despite all these hardships my father was valedictorian when he graduated high school. The next day he joined the army. After basic training he was sent to the Philippines and Korea. The war had officially ended but there was an 18-month post-war buffer in which you received the benefits of service even if you did not see combat. Upon his return from Korea he went to Hiram College on the G.I. bill. 

Dad got a degree in chemistry. His first job out of college was at Sherwin-Williams in Cleveland. He became involved in the development of latex paints, which he continued to be involved with throughout his career. (Trivia: Arnold Palmer worked as a salesman for Sherwin-Williams out of that Cleveland plant, till he became a full-time golf pro and PGA champion. My dad was also a lifelong golfer and became part of Arnie’s Army throughout his career.)

Before my father passed away in March 2006 he requested that there be no flowers at his funeral. Instead he asked that friends an family give to the Heifer Foundation, the funding arm of Heifer International, an organization now in 21 countries dedicated to ending poverty by empowering, providing training and assistance to individuals and communities. No offense to florists, but in my father's estimation some things are more important things than flowers.

All of this is a lead in to an anecdote I'd like to share, which says something about my father. Through growing up poor he learned frugality. One of his hobbies, if you can call it that, was going to house auctions and looking for bargains. I was aware of this, but never fully aware of the extent to which he took this.

There's a Proverb that says, "If a man shuts his ears to the cry of the poor, he too will cry and not be answered." (Prov. 21:13) It ties directly to this story, which I only learned about after he passed.

Dad would go to these house auctions to buy up blankets and clothing items which he brought to an Allentown center that distributed such items to those in need, something like our Damiano Center here in Duluth. He had been doing this for quite some time till one day he showed up and was told to stop bringing them stuff. He was bringing it in faster than they could give away. 

Nevertheless, he continued to be generous, and never made a big deal about it. On this Father's Day I have much to be grateful for as a father, but also for having a father who served as a role model in so many ways. Sadly, I took some of this for granted when I was young.

If your dad is still alive, let him know you appreciate him today.  

* * *

Do you have an anecdote you'd like to share about your dad? Feel free to leave it in the comments.

Related Links

Heifer International

Sharing Comfort (Personalized muscial memorial pages for loved ones.)

Orphanage In Uganda Celebrates Christmas with Our Help

Children celebrate the season at Samaritan's Way

Dear friends:
A small gift from abroad makes a big difference for children at the orphanages in Uganda and elsewhere in the neediest parts of the world. This letter and photos came from Samaritan's Way in Kampala. It takes very little to do so much.

This particular children's home was started by a woman whose sister and her husband died from AIDS. Idah (red dress in background at right) is an educated woman who took in her sister's 2 children. Others began to bring more children who had lost their parents.

The AIDS epidemic has killed tens of millions of people in Africa which spread initially and pervasively due to tainted blood in hospitals. Due to the cost and lack of medicine for treatment, the disease continues to wreak havoc.
Details on AIDS epidemic here: https://www.dosomething.org/us/facts/11-facts-about-hiv-africa

You may not have the money to stop the epidemic, but a very small gift to Samaritan's Way can bring a big happiness that gives these children hope and a future.

This letter from Idah shows how even a little gift can bring meaningful joy to many.

Dear Ed

We wish to extend our most sincere gratitude for your love and generosity to the kids and the Orphanage. The kids had a great time at the Christmas Party; singing, acting the Nativity play and dancing traditional dances.

It wouldn't have been possible without your support. We are very thankful and we continue to pray for favor and blessings upon you.

We wish you a Happy Christmas Season and a Blessed New Year 2020.

In His service

Hon Idah

You don't have to give an orphanage. 

Make cookies for someone in jail. Downsize your wardrobe 

by bringing things to the local shelter. Make cookies for the jail.

In whatever form it takes, find a way to be generous this year.

Andrew Carnegie’s Noblesse Oblige

"For unto whomsoever much is given, of him shall be much required: and to whom men have committed much, of him they will ask the more." ~Luke 12:48

He has been labeled as one of the Robber Barons. His defenders would advocate that he has been libeled to be tagged thus. History is filled with many shadows that complicate its accurate portrayal. Though some of his practices as he built his fortune in the steel industry are outlawed today, at the time they were not restricted. Like the other “robber barons” he was an opportunist.

On the positive side of the ledger, he is to be commended for a very strong belief in the concept of noblesse oblige, a French term which is understood to mean that nobility and wealth have moral obligations and responsibilities. Carnegie believed, and publicly stated, that it is morally wrong to die rich. In this matter Carnegie led by example. By the end of his life Carnegie, a Scottish immigrant who made good in America, had generously given back all of his fortune to help the less fortunate.

Before Carnegie died (ninety years ago this summer), he had already given away over 350 million dollars, the equivalent of 4.3 billion in today’s dollars. Upon his death, the last thirty million were given to foundations, charities and pensioners.

I myself am a lover of libraries, as anyone who knows me knows. Carnegie, too, was a believer in the power of books and education to help people improve their lot in life. For this reason, in addition to contributing heavily to many academic institutions he also built public libraries across the country.

When I first came to Duluth, I was struck by the beautiful architecture of the Carnegie Library here, and surprised that Carnegie’s wealth flowed even to this little corner of the universe. (The library moved to a larger facility shortly after.)  

Whatever people think of the man himself, a businessman who became the richest man in America, for his example of noblesse oblige Andrew Carnegie should be remembered.

Money

To have it is a perceived blessing, but what is it people really want? It would seem that what people want is freedom from want. Want, once experienced, creates a corrupting fear of want, and money is needed to muffle that fear.
January 14, 1998

It is interesting to think how two people can be in similar experiences, struggling to get on their feet financially, and one is comfortable and confident, the other desperate. The former does interviews well when seeking employment. He or she has hope, believes things can get better. The other may come across badly because of the inner paralysis that makes conversation unnatural.

The issue in part is faith and hope.

But what about those in abject deprivation with nothing to look forward to? Some escape into alcohol or drugs or other self-destructive behaviors. And some continue to live with dignity. How and why does this happen?

In the thirties much of the generation that went through the depression were left with scars afterwards, an insecurity or fear because they experienced a measure of what it's like when the bottom drops out. Despite the wealth later accumulated, many remained anxious because of what they had been through. Even with great vaults of money some remained insecure. How much is enough?

In truth, there are no guarantees about tomorrow, so that at a certain point we have to let go. Let go of those niggling anxieties, keep moving forward and trust that we will be there to greet it when it arrives. The best way to do this is make the most of today. Avoid or pay down your debts, save for the morrow and be generous with the rest.

What Good Am I?

The season of Christmas is often associated with charity and is a time of giving. All too often, after the holidays we go back to our usual ways, neglectful of the spirit of this selfless season. In thinking about those less fortunate than us, I am reminded of this poignant song by Bob Dylan from his critically acclaimed 1989 album "Oh Mercy."

What Good Am I?

What good am I if I'm like all the rest,
If I just turned away, when I see how you're dressed,
If I shut myself off so I can't hear you cry,
What good am I?

What good am I if I know and don't do,
If I see and don't say, if I look right through you,
If I turn a deaf ear to the thunder in the sky,
What good am I?

What good am I while you softly weep
And I hear in my head what you say in your sleep,
And I freeze in the moment like the rest who don't try,
What good am I?

What good am I then to others and me
If I've had every chance and yet still fail to see?
If my hands tied must I not wonder within
Who tied them and why and where must I have been?

What good am I if I say foolish things
And I laugh in the face of what sorrow brings
And I just turn my back while you silently die,
What good am I?

Copyright © 1989 Special Rider Music

Helping the Hungry

"The best sauce in the world is hunger. That is why the poor always enjoy eating." ~ Cervantes

As I read Don Quixote I am continually amazed by how many ideas and witticisms have become part of the public vernacular by this 400-year old-yarn. For example, at the beginning of Book Two in this classic, they are debating the merits of the second book being written about Don Quixote, "for you know, the sequel is never as good as the original." It cracked me up. This is a statement we have been making about movies for years. But who among you, reading this, would have believed that this is a statement people have been making for centuries?

The quote I referenced about hunger is similar. Usually we make the first half of the above statement. The latter has a grimmer aspect. In point of fact, being poor and hungry is not fun at all.

Having lived in Mexico for a year when much younger, I came to believe that all Americans would benefit by having exposure to the third world for a period of time while young. In this manner, we would more fully appreciate the wealth and opportunities we have in this country.

As for doing something about world hunger, I don't think people should be guilted into giving. On the other hand, I do believe empathy is a normal part of being human, Therefore, it is incumbent upon each of us to in some manner attempt to make a difference to help those in need if able.

The problem is, we're a bit jaded as well, because most of us have read stories about unscrupulous people who manipulate this good will in other peoples' hearts in order to extract cash from their wallets. We live in an era of mailing lists where people who give to one organization end up getting requests from other organizations. Even when organizations mean well at the start, there can be mismanagement resulting in squandered resources instead of the dollars being directed where they will do the most good.

For this reason, I've tried to help direct people to an organization that I trust because I knew the founders personally. They helped Susie and I when we were working at an orphanage in Mexico (1980-81). You can follow their work at Hungry Kids International. 


 
Because of the immensity of need in our world, some people's whole lives are devoted to making a difference. They are the unsung heroes of our time. You can make a difference, too.