Daily Mirror

"...leaning over the mirror of our acts, our souls will recognize what we are."- Andre Gide

For nearly all of us mirrors play a role in our morning rituals. Whether for shaving or make-up, fixing one's hair or straightening one's tie, the mirror is a useful tool, presenting to our eyes a true reflection of what is there.

On other occasions, a reassuring glance in the mirror before a job interview or an important date gives us confidence that at least the external things are taken care of - our hair isn't mussed, collar turned right, no food crumbs on our chin or the corners of our mouth.

At the end of the day there is another mirror which is equally valuable to us, and perhaps even more so once we practice using it. We can call it the mirror of our acts. As we quiet ourselves and reflect on the day, we discover that our actions reveal our souls as surely as the bathroom mirror reveals our faces.

The mirror of our acts reveals us as we truly are, giving a more precise picture of ourselves than we may wish to see. For it will reveal not only our strengths, but also our limitations; it will show not only our inward beauty, but also the defects that mar that beauty. When I look back on my day, with honesty, standing before this mirror of my soul, what do I truly see reflected there? Thoughtfulness and sensitivity? Selfishness? Duplicity and deceit? Laziness? Industriousness? Courage? Courtesy? Insensitivity? Foolish pride? Pettiness? The character defects we see need not leave us discourage. Recognizing one's shortcomings is the essential first step to the cure. Or, as they say, no pain no gain.

Taking time for reflection at day's end can be a most wonderful tool to help us grow to our full stature as human beings. Keeping a journal where we record and analyze these insights is even more helpful. As they say, "The weakest ink is stronger than the strongest memory."

It's an oft neglected truth that if we wish to make the world a better place, there's no better place to begin than in ourselves.

A Day in the Life: Bud Wagner

Tuesday, December 9, 1941

Another alert at 12:30 a.m. Hard to get up, but off-duty cooks always have to help load. Most of our personal things go along as well, except for our foot lockers.

Had a bad headache. My things are in a mess. We left at 1:30. Got somewhere around Leesville to the firing range at 4:00.

Tarman and I put up our tent together. The situation is non-tactical, so we built a big bon-fire tonight.

As we gathered together around our fire, and after, we had an arousing talk by Captain Genung. Some of the things he said were, "This is it, men. We go for the duration. You will learn to bayonet the Japs and Germans as they sleep in their tents. It's all-out war now. Be prepared to go and do what you are told."

After that, we wondered if the Germans could see our big fire, and maybe come and bayonet us.

The United States and Great Britain had both declared war on Japan. In his address to Congress, President Roosevelt described the events at Pearl Harbor as the forming part of a "date that will live in infamy." Roosevelt did not ask Congress to declare war on Germany or Italy.

Australia, New Zealand, The Netherlands, The Free French, Yugoslavia, and several South American countries all declared war on Japan. Also, China declared war on Germany, Italy, and Japan.

Some sobering facts had come in since Sunday's attack on Pearl Harbor. At 07:55 local time, Japanese carrier aircraft attacked the main base of the U.S. Pacific Fleet at Pearl Harbor. There was complete tactical and strategic surprise.

Six Jap carriers were sent with a total of 423 planes. Two waves of attacks were sent in. All eight U.S. battleships in port were damaged, five of them were sunk. Also, three cruisers and three destroyers were sunk. We lost 188 aircraft to the Japs' 29.

Words and accusations were flying. The Admiral in charge of the Pacific Fleet would be dismissed because of having all Anti-Aircraft (A.A.) guns locked in peace-time. Then it was Sunday, and many officers and crews from ships were ashore.

We had a lot to talk about, and wondered at how many more mistakes we would be going through for the "duration?" There were some. And those who made the mistakes were sure to try to cover them.

All in all we were able to say, as we could many times in the future, that "Error is Error, and Truth is Truth."

Blue Notebook

Journal Notes from my Blue Notebook, July 1990-92

1. "It is a mistake to intend to write only very important things in a journal. That is not its justification." ~ A. Gide

2. On certain days I feel so strong, so able, that success is an inevitability. Dreams will be fulfilled. Then other days, I feel deflated, that all my work is in vain, is useless... and my message too.

3. When young we feel inspired to “follow our own star" wherever it leads and whatever it costs. Later in life we recognize the compromises we have made and prices we are unwilling to pay. There are things that I value which I am unwilling to jeopardize and put at risk.

4. We are not static "items" or "somethings" that we "discover" through analysis. Probing our past can help us understand our roots, where we've been, and occasionally why we've done certain things... but life is a future thing, and that which is in our power is the ability to create what we will become.

5. Life is the process of creating what we shall become. To each of us is given the responsibility of shaping the future. Focus: Not political, changing the world by enforcement of my vision and views, but changing the world by taking charge of who I am, what I will be tomorrow...Too many "world changers" are simply malcontents who have never known happiness in themselves, with delusions that by changing everything else they will then be happy.

6. This process of artistic creation in fiction is so fabulous, I am like a blind man whose sight has returned, a mute who has suddenly found voice. Art is indeed a high calling. Susie experiences the same exhilaration in her pottery, playing both role of creator and spectator simultaneously. Creation is an adventure, and in creation, we have ringside seats. "What will we discover next?"

7. I am too excited. I feel that all my work these past 5 years was preparatory for what I am working on now. The exercises completed (I realize I still have much to learn) I am more at a place where I can have a more complete grasp of my personal "life themes".

"Memoirs are never more than half sincere, however great one's concern for the truth: things are always more complicated than words can express." ~ Andre Gide

Jurassic Park

An absolutely remarkable movie, from conception to completion. Masterful, exhiliarating and terrifying. Only criticism I would make is that last scene where the bones fell and just missed crushing the boy. How many near crushing experiences can one boy have in a two hour movie? Even though I knew the kid would survive -- rationally I knew this -- emotionally, it was no less terrifying and fraught with fear. This is the wonder of cinema.

Journal note ~ Dec 29, 1993

This past year's Blood Diamond felt the same. Just a few too many close calls and drawn out near death experiences. Supposedly it was dramatic, but after a while it is too much, distracting even. Dear Hollywood: lighten up. All we want is a good story. By the way, I've got more than a few up my sleeve, if you are interested.

And There Shall Be Wars

At age 79 my father-in-law Bud Wagner called me on the phone and said, "I'd like you to help me buy a computer." That night we went out and did just that. He taught himself how to use it and proceeded to finish a project that he'd carried in his heart for most of a lifetime.

At age 80, Wagner completed his first book, based on his diaries from World War Two. Wagner was the second Minnesotan drafted into the war. Cook, machine gunner and company agent, Wagner had the privilege of being on the first convoy to make its way across the Atlantic for the European theater. And the good fortune of having survived the duration of the war without becoming a casualty in North Africa and Italy, which included beachheads at Anzio and Salerno.

The book, And There Shall Be Wars, is a truly powerful account of this man's experience and worthy of being included in the annals of military history.

Wagner had several motivations for writing the book. "I wanted to put my diary in a concise journal form for the family," Wagner said. "I've kept a diary out of habit since I was a young kid. During the war nobody else did it and I wanted to have it as part of my life experience." Diary writing was rare not only because few soldiers did it, but also because the army had rules against it. When citing the value of diaries Wagner fondly quotes the Chinese proverb, "The faintest ink is stronger than the strongest memory."

A primary theme for this blog is journal writing. That is, I have been sifting thought my personal journals and bringing to light excerpts that might lead to some thought provoking discussion, or insights of value. Bud Wagner's book is similar in design. He kept a journal during the war, but his book is more. Having spent decades researching that siginifcant period of history, his journal notes include commentary amplifying the entries, with additional historical facts collated to make this book especially valuable.

For more information on this book, and to see what others have said.

To purchase a copy of And There Shall Be Wars, send an email to ennyman3@gmail.com

Vivid Dreams

Another day, another dream.
Another diamond, another scheme,
Another effort to break the theme;
Another day, another dream.

Vivid dreams during the night included being with my father when his heart stopped (5:13 a.m.) and an elaborate story about a group of women looking for someone, but they were walking on a rainy night on a long road far from where they were trying to be. i.e.: they were lost. I tried to help them... It was a long road and just at a bend there was a house which we went up to and knocked and were invited in. The owner was on the phone -- or made a call -- after telling us the people these ladies were looking for lived up the road about three miles. The guy had a huge nature preserve in his back yard with goats and lions. He and I walked down into the preserve and climbed up on a mountain of hay. A lion came up next to me. I asked the man if they were wild and he said "yes." It was scary, yet he seemed at peace there & I felt safe with him. When we went back to the house the lion followed, but the man wouldn't let the lion into the back door.
November 18, 1997

I started my first journal in junior high school. It was different from most journals because I did not record the events of my daily life. Instead, I recorded the dreams of my night. That is, when I woke in the morning I would lay there in the limbo region between waking and sleeping and reconstruct the images that has just passed through my mind. I think the first recorded dream had Tim Conway of McHale's Navy in it. I recall nothing of the dream, but remember the next recorded dream was a week or two later. As I practiced recalling my dreams I developed the skill of being able to recall in vivid detail up to four or five dreams in a night, with sometimes several pages of detail.

At a certain point in time the importance of recalling dreams subsided for me. Nevertheless, in the course of a lifetime of journal writing, certain dreams have occasionally seemed worthy of being recorded or remembered.

A few of my more unusual or meaningful dreams have been posted on my website at http://www.enewman.biz/dreams.html