A Basketful of Steven Wright One Liners

Will robots ever replace stand up comedians?

"If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments."--Steven Wright

For some reason as I was trying to fall asleep recently I kept thinking up routines for stand up comedy. It brought to mind how I used to lay awake in the middle of the night, my mind spurred on by the humorous material my mind was generating. I was doing stand up for half year at the time so that thinking funny thoughts and scribbling them down--usually in the dark on a pad of paper I kept next to my bed--became a habit. 

EdNote: What seems hilarious at 2:00 a.m. isn't always quite so funny in the morning, and even less so when you can't read your handwriting.

The other day I was asked if I were familiar with the comedian Steven Wright. When I said I wasn't this fellow was shocked. Alas. 

That night I did a little research and learned that Wright is more than just a stand up comic known for his deadpan delivery of one-liners. He's also an actor and an Oscar-winning producer, among other things. What follows are a few of his one-liners after which I have share a link to more than 100 more at Laughter Online University.

It’s a small world, but I wouldn’t want to have to paint it.

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

I intend to live forever – so far, so good.

Change is inevitable….except from vending machines.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.

The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.

You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?

* * * 

He reminds me of someone, but I could be wrong. I'm curious if he used to say "Wright on" when he was younger. 

Steven Wright Quotes: Best Of

Related Links

A Visit with Tony Belmont of the National Comedy Hall of Fame

My Original August 4 Stand Up Routine: Eggplant Humor and More

A Bit of Ennyman Humor from the Archives

Remembering Jonathan Winters

"I couldn't wait for success, so I went ahead without it." ~Jonathan Winters

He made us laugh. He was one of a kind. He was Jonathan Winters.

On Thursday, April 11, Jonathan Winters died in his home of natural causes, in the midst of family and friends. There were numerous tributes to the eccentric comedian who made us laugh so hard that it hurt, who's whirling imagination could rake laughs out of porcupines. I'll defer to this one from CNN.

Most of his fans were unaware that the comic had also been an artist. Like Churchill and many others, painting served to bring a form of balance to his world. It was actually through his art that I had the opportunity to interview Mr. Winters. By accident I'd came across some of his original paintings which were being screen printed by Joe Petro, a Kentucky screen print artist. When I discovered that he painted, I acquired his book Hang Ups, and landed an assignment with Screenprinting magazine, to do a story on Petro, which opened the door for my forty minutes with Mr. Winters (and several of his other personalities.)

Of his painting Winters shared, "The bug bit me in show business. My art at the time was so commercial, so commercial it was sad. I would have been good if I was going to do industrial drawing or be a commercial artist, which I wasn’t. I’m not a commercial comedian, so I certainly wasn’t going to be a commercial artist.

"I didn’t find a style until I was well out of school. In the early 70’s I really got down to painting. I was working on the road, in gin mills and night clubs and stuff, but when I’d come home I’d paint. I think I had my first art show in ‘72, here in Southern Cal or LA, and I have been painting ever since."

In 1999 Winters won the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor, a rather late acknowledgement in my opinion. Then again, maybe that's what we do with our old heroes, we acknowledge them and then we remember them.

Thank you, Jon, for everything you gave us.


Jon Winters photo courtesy Bergstrom Photography

Comedian

I watched the documentary Comedian this past week. As a few friends are aware, I have taken an interest in stand up comedy this past six months. (Actually, I have been doing it for two decades, having performed once at the White Elephant in the early nineties.)

My own personal stake in this is essentially to improve my public speaking skills. A side benefit has been meeting some interesting people, and finding expression for new regions of my creative self.

All that being said, the documentary Comedian follows the parallel careers of two comics, Jerry Seinfeld and an up and comer Orny Adams. Seinfeld is trying to re-enter the stand-up scene after having had a successful name in lights with his TV show. Orny is a nobody trying to become a Somebody and see his name in lights.

Every wannabe comic should see this film. Stand up comedy is definitely not easy. Here’s Seinfeld, arguably one of the funniest guys in show business, and we see him struggling to build a new act, struggling to feel confident again in front of a crowd. The documentary shows his anxiety before shows, his frustrations when skits bomb, and all the building blocks of developing a solid fifty minute performance.

The entertainment business really is a business. Comics, like athletes, writers and musicians, must continually polish their craft. It doesn’t “just happen.” But the battleground where these arts are tested varies. Athletes are “tested” when they compete in the arena of their given sport. One team wins, one loses. The writer’s primary battles are fought in solitude. But the comic is right out there in front of the spotlight. It is the closest you ever get to being naked with your clothes on. That's why they call me Eddie Danger.