Yesterday's Fortune Cookie Advice

I wasn’t feeling myself yesterday. Turns out I was feeling the waitress’s knee.

No, actually I was in a Chinese Restaurant for lunch and feeling in a funk. You know, sort of gloomy. I am sure it's not the weather, which was 41 degrees and wind chill of minus 18 in mid-June. I was doing my introspection thing, asking those "Who am I? What is my life all about?" type of questions. Fortunately, when I get that way I pull out my self-talk cards from the Success Motivation Collector’s Set, Gold Leaf Edition Volume 3, Series 2, version 2.01, copyright 1999, Milton Bradley and I find the one with the little picture of a chameleon on it, his eyes glowing, lips curled slightly with that smug "cat that ate the canary" look. It says on the card, which has very worn corners from years of handling, "You can be whatever you want to be."

So I am sitting there waiting for my order, the Happy Season, which I always order because it sounds so cheerful, repeating my success script like a mantra and imagining being a leopard who can change his spots into stripes so he can blend in with the zebras. I just walk around in the African wild in Nairobi or some other nature preserve where the hippos and antelope play, while lions and hyenas eat their hearts out... I would have an advantage as a chameleon leopard, because I wouldn't have to outrun anything. First I would blend in with the grass, then get my stripes going and blend in with the zebras. I'd get to eat a big healthy zebra instead of the weak and sickly ones, which the other carnivores settle for because the healthy ones are too quick.

So all through my meal I was getting hepped up on my self talk, "You can be whatever you want to be. You can be whatever you want to be."

I paid my bill, feeling pretty smug, muscles poised, ready to conquer the Serenghetti, or at least an afternoon of paperwork at the office. Then I opened my fortune cookie, which said, “Quit your wishful thinking. Quit your wishful thinking.” Naturally it set me back, but as I was driving back to the office through the sleet and freezing rain, I realized she probably gives that cookie to all the guys.

Next time I think I will picture myself as a dinosaur.

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