Journal Notes: June 13-16, 1993

Last night I pulled out one of my forty or so notebooks and began reading randomly. Photo albums are great for resurrecting lost memories. Journals provide snapshots of our internal journeys, struggles, reflections and impressions of our life experiences. They can also have therapeutic value as we unravel the emotional and psychological knots that entangle us. 

Everyone who keeps a journal or diary does so in his or her own way. There are no rules. My earlier scratchings were very different from later. Once I began blogging in 2007 my journal notes dropped off some, though never entirely. It is invaluable to have a private space where we can "let our hair down" and be wholly our selves, in God's presence, free from the critical scrutiny of others.  

What follows are some notes from four days in 1993. 

June 13, 1993
"Never measure the height of a mountain until you have reached the top. Then you will see how low it was."
—Dag Hammarskjold, Markings

"If I freeze in the moment like the rest who don't try, what good am I?"
—Dylan

In reading Unamuno I am confronted again with the need to go to Cervantes — the seminal fount of so much that is noble.

* * * 

Sermon today on Lot &c.  Genesis 19. "Lot hesitated."

I find I can relate. But by grace he was saved from the fire. His wife, on the other hand, was not saved. What I find myself asking is… Did Lot's wife really turn into a pillar of salt? Or is this a story to teach us something about looking back?

* * * 

For him who truly Hungers to live, only living fully, deeply, satisfies this longing. We satisfy our hunger to live by Living.

* * * 

Evening
Purchased the Don Quixote this afternoon and a book of Kafka's short stories. In opening the Kafka, it immediately opens to a short story that is a tribute to Quixote about Sancho's part in the story. Kafka tips his hat, as did Unamuno.

Shall I not also pay my respects?

* * * 

June 14

"We cannot afford to forget any experience, not even the most painful."

—Dag Hammarskjold, Markings

D.H.'s book is an honest, deep, "picking at the scabs"—trying to understand the mysteries of injury and healing, pain and meaning. And [it's] good writing, too.

Productive weekend included finding book treasures, watching movies, finishing practical tasks, and completing some writing. 

Of D.H.'s Markings: The book is a treasure trove filled with gold pieces.

Here and there, pockets of inspiration and hope nurture the weary traveller… and his heart is lifted.

Rejoice, sons and daughters of Jerusalem. Rejoice!

* * * 

June 15

Am reading the Quixote. In caricature we see our selves. How often are we not so unlike the Quixote, imagining ourselves fighting battles for righteousness while others only see a grown man making a fool of himself?

* * * 

June 16

We live, we move, we have our being.

This waking hour, this mortal frame

This fleeting breath we call life's game

Reminds us where our Rest shall be

Not here on earth, but eternity

* * * * * 

Should This Piece Begin with a Trigger Warning?

"In yesterday's creative writing classroom, a draft of a novel might have been considered poorly written or maybe even offensive. Today, it creates a quote-unquote dangerous and harmful classroom that is not a safe space. This is why some professors ask their students to include trigger warnings at the top of their work, or to simply avoid writing about any topic that might trigger another student in the room."

So begins Adam Szetela's YouTube video, How “Sensitivity Readers” Made Modern Fiction Boring.

Here's Szetela's concern. Because campus creative-writing programs have become the dominant training ground for writers, they're now shaped by a culture of hypersensitivity and safety. This sensitivity culture leads to concrete acts of censorship and self-censorship that damage literature. It's too risky to take chances. The result is a broader infantilization of literary culture that produces safer, more predictable, and weaker writing.

He cites examples, beginning with Oberlin College. The school's faculty guidelines include a statement that trigger warnings show students that you care about their safety. In short, we live in "an era of mandatory sensitivity training programs, anonymous bias reporting systems, and other measures instituted by campus bureaucrats," which is having a corrosive effect on would-be novelists, poets, or playwright.

Szetela followed with another example, this one being at the University of Michigan where "professors and students demanded that Bright Sheng, theater and dance, be removed from his course after he screened an adaptation of William Shakespeare's Othello that included blackface." Heaven forbid!! "Exclaimed one student, I was shocked that Shang would show something like this in something that's supposed to be a safe space." Bottom line: Shang survived the Cultural Revolution in China, but he did not remain the professor of his own course here in the land of the free and the brave.

One of the challenges for professors, and writers today as well in this era of squeamish sensitivity, is staying current with the ever-shifting twists and turns of what is OK and what's a no-no. "On campus, even journalism has to be a quote-unquote safe space," Szetela suggests. "According to Northwestern University's newspaper, 'while our goal is to document history and spread information, nothing is more important than ensuring our fellow students feel safe.'"

Author, critic, and New York Times ghostwriter. Szetela's talk is just under 20 minutes. You can find it here.

 

Related Links
What Is the Goal of Educaton, Learning or High Self Esteem?

Are Children Today Being Raised "Too Safe to Succeed"?

Do You Read Banned Books?

The Role of Fog: Fifth Character in Long Day's Journey into Night

"How slow and slow and slow it goes
to mend the tear that always shows."
--Neil Young

Last night I watched the 1962 film based on Eugene O'Neil's tragic play Long Day's Journey into Night. Awarded a posthumous Pulitzer Prize and regarded by critics as the first major American playwright, O'Neil pioneered psychological realism and modern American drama.

I knew it would be dark. This was a period when some of America's greatest playwrights were  probing the deeper issues of modern life. What falsehoods do we live by and tell ourselves? How do we find meaning amid doubt, personal failure and upheaval? Why do appearances and reality so often diverge? How do we reaffirm our commitments when things feel like they are coming apart? Why are we so afraid to reveal our authentic selves? Why are some of us so emotionally frail? What are all these avoidance games that we play with ourselves and others? What is true self-acceptance? 

Three playwrights whose powerful dramas made an impact on me as they explored these themes were Tennessee Williams (A Streetcar Named Desire, The Glass Menagerie and Cat on a Hot Tin Roof), Arthur Miller (Death of a Salesman, The Crucible), and Edward Albee, who's Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? was released in theaters the same year as Long Day's Journey.

O'Neil's play takes place in a single day in 1912. The four central characters are James, Mary, Edmund and Jamie Tyrone. It's a family with secrets--which they've kept from the outside world by keeping the world at a distance--and which they've kept from each other. By the end of this day the characters will each have a collision with the light.

The family is financially well off due to the success of James Tyrone, a once-successful actor who made a name for himself with a play that he bought to gain visibility and use as a stepping stone to his true ambition of being a great character actor. Instead, he made a lot of money, but the success in this role was so widespread that it kept him from other roles. He is emotionally stuck between genuine love for his family and deep regret over his past choices—especially his miserly habits rooted in childhood poverty.

Mary had once dreamed of being a nun, but then got swept up by James. He travelled, performed and brought home the bacon, while over time loneliness engulfed her so that morphine became her new companion. Emotionally fragile and increasingly detached, she begins the day trying to present a cheerful, “cured” front after a recent stay in a sanatorium. 

Jamie, the older son, is cynical, self-loathing, and alcoholic. He's emotionally raw and resentful. He loves his brther Edmund but also fears and envies him; he is bitterly aware of his own wasted potential and the family’s dysfunction. 

Edmund, the younger son, is sensitive, poetic, and physically ill with tuberculosis. He's the most clear-eyed yet emotionally exhausted of the family. Frightened by the diagnosis that has just come this day, he's furious at the cheap doctors and stinginess that have shaped the family’s history, and torn between love and revulsion toward his parents and brother. 

Cathleen, the housemaid, is a minor character who serves as a temporary listener and drinking companion for Mary while the men are out. She also provides a bit of comic relief in this somber day-long journey toward night. 

After watching a while, it became quite evident that the fog was a sixth, and somewhat signiicant, character in this drama. Right from the start we find Mary commenting on it as the morning haze has been slow to clear. Over time each of the characters makes references to the fog, which  functions as a powerful symbol of isolation, escape, denial, and the family’s shared inability to face reality clearly. 

I noticed it right frmothe start, but when Mary made this statement, I began to cue in. "It wasn't the fog I minded. I really love fog." Then later, Jamie Jr. likewise affirmed this family characteristic.  "I love the fog. The fog was where I wanted to be..."

Here's a sequence that makes it clear why the fog is a central character in this play.

Mary Tyrone: “It wasn’t the fog I minded, Cathleen. I really love fog. It hides you from the world and the world from you. You feel that everything has changed, and nothing is what it seemed to be. No one can find or touch you any more. It’s the foghorn I hate. It won’t let you alone. It keeps reminding you, and warning you, and calling you back.”

Mary: “How thick the fog is. I can’t see the road. All the people in the world could pass by and I would never know. I wish it was always that way.”

Edmund: “The fog was where I wanted to be. Halfway down the path you can’t see this house. You’d never know it was here. Or any of the other places down the avenue. I couldn’t see but a few feet ahead. I didn’t meet a soul. Everything looked and sounded unreal. Nothing was what it is. That’s what I wanted—to be alone with myself in another world where truth is untrue and life can hide from itself.”

In Act 4, Edmund compares Mary’s state to the fog: “The hardest thing to take is the blank wall she builds around her. Or it’s more like a bank of fog in which she hides and loses herself. Deliberately, that’s the hell of it! You know something in her does it deliberately—to get beyond our reach, to be rid of us, to forget we’re alive!”

Further on Edmund again returns to this theme. “Like a saint’s vision of beatitude. Like the veil of things as they seem drawn back by an unseen hand. For a second you see—and seeing the secret, are the secret. For a second there is meaning! Then the hand lets the veil fall and you are alone, lost in the fog again, and you stumble on toward nowhere, for no good reason!”

James Tyrone and Jamie also react to or are affected by the fog. James comments on the weather and the night of fog; Jamie is associated with the same atmosphere of drunken isolation.

This being a seaside residence, we hear another character accompanying this fog, the foghorn. The foghorn, which exists as a warning for ships, repeatedly calls our characters back, underscoring that the escape the fog seems to offer is incomplete and temporary.

Powerful plays--like great movies--vibrate with great lines. In this play's closing scene Mary says, "What is it I'm looking for? I know it's something I lost." 

We may have to revisit this one.

* * * * * 

The 1962 film version of the play, directed by Sidney Lumet, features Kathryn Hepburn and Ralph Richardson (as the father), with Jason Robards and Dean Stockwell as the sons. From what I've read, the 2025 version of this story, featuring Jessica Lange and Ed Harris in the lead roles, is especially sharp.

To learn more, visit Long Day's Journey into Night.

Misnomers, Misconceptions, Oxymorons and Malapropisms

I was writing something about misconceptions this week, which got me thinking about interesting words about words. I'm pretty sure most of us learned all these words in school, so this should just be considered a refresher course.

A misnomer is a name or term that is inaccurate, misleading, or wrongly applied to a person, place, thing, or concept. It occurs when a word's literal meaning contradicts the actual reality of what it describes. Here are some examples:

"Lead" pencil: A pencil's core is actually made of graphite and clay, not lead.
"Tin" foil: Modern kitchen foil is made entirely of aluminum.
Koala "bear": Koalas are marsupials, completely unrelated to bears.
"French" fries: This style of fried potato actually originated in California. (Just kidding. Belgium.)
"Guinea" pigs: These are rodents native to the Andes, not Guinea, and you probably already know they are not pigs.

I wanted to highlight misnomers because we seem to have become inundated with them. For example, if a gathering involves widespread violence, looting and property destruction, calling it a "peaceful protest" becomes a political misnomer. Conversely, critics might use a misnomer like "riot" to describe a completely orderly march to alter public perception.

In the realm of ethics we see a different kind of language abuse. Calling a natural disaster like an earthquake "evil" is often considered a conceptual misnomer in secular philosophy. Because an earthquake has no mind, intent, or moral agency, it can be "bad" or "destructive," but it cannot be morally "evil."

Misnomers are not precisely the same as misconceptions or oxymorons. A misnomer happens when a name is completely inaccurate to the physical reality of the object. The object is real, but the language used to name it is factually incorrect so it's actually the wrong label.

Here's another example: a jellyfish is not a fish, it's an invertebrate. And guess what? Panama hats are originally from Ecuador, not Panama. Again, these are misnomers.

A misconception on the other hand is a false premise, a myth, or a flawed conclusion that people widely hold to be true. It lives in the human mind rather than just the dictionary definition. We've all heard this one cited so often it's repeated as if it were true: "Humans only use 10% of their brains." Neurological imaging shows we use virtually every part of our brain over the course of a day.

Another "old wives' tale" (and I mean no disrespect to older wives here) is that cracking your knuckles causes arthritis. Medical studies have consistently shown no link; the sound is just gas bubbles bursting in the joint fluid, so it is a misconception.

Oxymorons are the fun one in this batch. An oxymoron is a deliberate pairing of two contradictory or opposing terms to create a poetic effect, add emphasis, or point out a paradox. It is a stylistic choice, not an error. Example: "Deafening silence." There is no such thing as a deafening silence. Silence cannot literally deafen you. Maybe it rings true because it highlights a stillness so intense that it feels heavy. I dunno. "Liquid gas" is another oxymoron. Matter generally exists as one or the other, but the phrase describes a substance (like propane) that's been pressurized into a liquid state.

In 2019 I wrote a blog post titled Oxymoronica: Paradoxical Wit and Wisdom for People Who Enjoy Word Play. It's a book review with plenty of exampes as well as a link to the book itself. 

The last word on this list also illustrates the humorous side of language. A malapropism is the accidental or comedic misuse of a word by replacing it with a similar-sounding word that has a completely different meaning. A number of Comedians like the Marx Brothers routinely used word play. Whereas Groucho was famous for puns and double entendres, Chico carried the water when it came to malapropisms, playing a character who seems to misunderstand English. When asked where he was from, he'd reply in a thick Italian accent that he was "from across the Atlantic Auction." 

I first became aware of malapropisms when our family moved to New Jersey. The Bowery Boys were a staple of New York television in 1964. and Leo Gorcey played a character named Slip Mahoney famously butchered the English language, talking about "optical delusions" and "I  depreciate it" (instead of appreciate). He tried to sound smart by using big words. 

And who can forget Archie Bunker's colorful mistake-laden language. "Patience is a virgin," he once said, intending to say virtue. Or "What do I look like, an inferior decorator."

The origin of the word actually comes from a character in an 18th century play called The Rivals, by Richard Brinsley Sheridan. One of the characters was Mrs. Malaprop who was full of 'em. One of her lines: "She's as headstrong as an allegory on tbe banks of the Nile."

All that to say language can be fun. Whether it's verbal sleight of hand or aural misdirection, it's magical when it works.

Drawn Near: A Fawn, a Sunset, and a Poem

As a Young Fawn, I

As a young fawn I, with awkward step
found an opening in the wood;
unfolding eyes beheld and touched
what I could little understand —
that though I’d freely come to see,
‘twas his hand that was drawing me.

I wished not that our eyes would meet,
my heart, berserk with wildness, quaked,
but when his eye fell fast upon me
I, too, even dared to gaze
shamelessly,
that eternal moment touching.

Though first my heart had bid me flee
I had to know just why he’d come
to this place, my forest home.
(And it’s funny how he heard my fears
from distant hills re-echo.)

Magnetic sunset pink and gold
was all I meant that hour to view,
yet clearly it seemed meant for us
together on that hill to share
a dramatic fairy tale
that wasn’t bound by miles of string.
                                    New Jersey, 1975

THE REST OF THE STORY
It’s generally considered bad form to explain the meaning of one’s poetry. This does not mean, however, that one should never discuss the experiences that inspired them. Robert Frost often discussed his poetry, sometimes illuminating its meaning and sometimes deliberately preserving its ambiguity.

I myself think there are times when it’s perfectly suitable to share the backstory, to explain the event or events that ignited one to craft a poem or song. I think here of Eric Clapton’s “Wonderful Tonight” as well as numerous Beatles songs. One of my favorite contemporary poets, Billy Collins, has frequently discussed the experiences and observations behind his poems, often with humor.

With that being said, As a Young Fawn, I was an attempt to capture an experience I had in 1973. One evening I had taken a walk at dusk with my sketchbook. I seated myself on a path at the top of a hillside overlooking a sunset. I was absorbing the peacefulness there, sitting still, taking it in, when very softly a young fawn came walking along a path that intersected with where I was seated. She was quite tentative, but curious.

I’d been contemplating what to draw and as the fawn and I made eye contact I began drawing her. As I did, she drew nearer, was breathtakingly near.

It was autumn and may even have been hunting season. Two rifle shots echoed from the distance and my new acquaintance suddenly took flight.

I wrote the poem two years later while reflecting on this unexpected, seemingly chance encounter which I saw as a vivid metaphor for my own life's spiritual journey.

The Writer's Craft, the Writer's Soul

The following are quotes about writing that I'd collected and shared on my original website in 1995. Writers, as you might imagine, are quite loquacious about the  subject. For a much lengthier collection of quotes check out Wikiquote.

John Gardner, an early literary influence

"The real rewards of writing are serious and bitter as well as sweet. And they are private, not public.
~ W. Sloan 

"With Schopenhauer he (Thomas Mann) holds that the epic writer's aim should be to conjure up the richest possible inner life by means of a minimum of external action: 'Art consists in the writer's affecting our inner life most strongly with the least display of outer life; for the inner is essentially the object of our interest.' Thus every detail of Aschenbach's outer life is so chosen as to illuminate the deepest recesses of his mind and to furnish the richest symbolical meaning."

~ Von Gronicka, in a critique of Mann's Death in Venice

"And yet, we know how fatal the pursuit of liveliness may be: it may result in ...tiresome acrobatics. ... Flashy effects distract the mind. They destroy their persuasiveness; you would not believe a man was very intent on ploughing a furrow if he carried a hoop with him and jumped through it at every other step."

~ Katherine Anne Porter

"Sin is easier to write about than grace, I suppose, because the territory is so familiar and because, too, it is the nature of grace, when we receive it, to turn our eyes not inward, where most writers' eyes turn, but outward, where there is a whole world of needs to serve far greater than the need for another book."

~ F. Buechner  

"I have never produced anything good except by a long succession of slight efforts."

~ Andre Gide

"One should only become aware of the difficulties of a subject progressively and in the course of working at it; if one realizes them all at the outset, one loses heart."

~ Andre Gide  

"When virtuosity gets the upper hand of your theme, or is better than your idea, it is time to quit."
~ Katherine Anne Porter

"One great inhibition and obstacle to me was the thought: Will it make money? But you find if you are thinking of that all the time, either you don't make money because the work is so empty, dry, calculated and without life in it. Or you do make money and you are ashamed of your work. Your published writing gives you the pip."

~ Brenda Uelland

"The main purpose of art... is this, that it tell the truth about the soul, revealing and giving expression to all the secrets one cannot say in simple words. ...Art is a microscope that the artist focuses on the secrets of his own soul, and that then reveals to men the secrets common to them all."

~ Leo Tolstoy 

 

"The lifelong central theme of Mann's books has been an inquiry into the function of art and the artist, of culture and the intellectual in modern society."

~ Erich Kahler

"And yet, we know how fatal the pursuit of liveliness may be: it may result in ...tiresome acrobatics. ... Flashy effects distract the mind. They destroy their persuasiveness; you would not believe a man was very intent on ploughing a furrow if he carried a hoop with him and jumped through it at every other step."

Katherine Anne Porter

John Gardner, On Becoming a Novelist 

"It may feel more classy to imitate James Joyce... than All In the Family; but every literary imitation lacks something we expect of good writing: the writer seeing with his own eyes."

"Detail is the lifeblood of fiction."

"The study of writing, like the study of classical piano, is not practical but aristocratic. If one is born rich, one can easily afford to be an artist; if not, one has to afford one's art by sacrifice."

John Gardner, The Art of Fiction

"Though the literary dabbler may write a fine story now and then, the true writer is one for whom technique has become, as for the pianist, second nature."

"... whatever the genre may be, fiction does its work by creating a dream in the reader's mind."

"Thus the value of great fiction, we begin to suspect, is not just that it entertains us or distracts us from our troubles, not just that it broadens our knowledge of people and places, but also that it helps us to know what we believe, reinforces those qualities that are noblest in us, leads us to feel uneasy about our faults and limitations."

"What the young writer needs to develop, to achieve his goal of becoming a great artist, is not a set of aesthetic laws, but artistic mastery."

These reflections on writing share a common conviction: great literature is not merely a matter of technique, cleverness, or commercial success. It requires discipline, authenticity, imagination, and a willingness to explore the mysteries of human experience. Technique must become second nature, but virtuosity should never overshadow truth. The writer's task is to see with his own eyes, illuminate the inner life, and awaken something in the reader. Whether writing fiction or memoir, the ultimate challenge is transforming the chaos of experience into something meaningful and enduring.

If you are a writer, write on.