Saturday, August 29, 2015

Wedding Belles: How To Get A Wife The Old Fashioned Way

Today's a very special day for us... our daughter is getting married.  While sifting through a folder titled "Idea Starters" I came across this list of Biblical ways to get a wife. Note: These are shared here to serve as examples of why historical stories in the sacred texts should not be taken as laws to obeyed.

Ten Ways To Obtain A Wife*

1. Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new clothes. She's yours. ~ Deuteronomy 21:11-13

2. Find a prostitute and marry her. ~ Hosea 1:1-3

3. Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal. ~ Ruth 4:5-10

4. Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab one and carry her off to be your wife. ~ Judges 21:19-25

5. Cut off 200 foreskins off your father-in-law's enemies and get his daughter for a wife. ~ I Samuel 18:27

6. Become emperor of a huge nation and hold a beauty contest. ~ Esther 2:3-4

7. When you see someone you like, go tell your parents, "I have seen a woman. Get her for me." If your parents question your decision, repeat, "Get her for me. She's the one for me." ~ Judges 14:1-3 (Sounds like a bit of dialogue from Terminator.)

8. Wait for your brother to die. Take his widow. ~ Ruth

9. Get involved with someone else's wife. Kill her husband. ~ II Samuel 11

10. A wife? Who needs a wife? ~ I Corinthians 7:32-35

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Well, we're beginning to get excited about this special day where two people in love make a commitment to share life's journey together.

*Discliamer: When I Googled this list, I discovered many of these listed in someone else's blog. Their blog post was 2012, my file was created in 2008, leading me to surmise that our lists were purloined from still someone else's labors. Thank you to whoever did the original compilation. 

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