Monday, November 8, 2021

A Basketful of Steven Wright One Liners

Will robots ever replace stand up comedians?
"If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments."--Steven Wright

For some reason as I was trying to fall asleep recently I kept thinking up routines for stand up comedy. It brought to mind how I used to lay awake in the middle of the night, my mind spurred on by the humorous material my mind was generating. I was doing stand up for half year at the time so that thinking funny thoughts and scribbling them down--usually in the dark on a pad of paper I kept next to my bed--became a habit. 

EdNote: What seems hilarious at 2:00 a.m. isn't always quite so funny in the morning, and even less so when you can't read your handwriting.

The other day I was asked if I were familiar with the comedian Steven Wright. When I said I wasn't this fellow was shocked. Alas. 

That night I did a little research and learned that Wright is more than just a stand up comic known for his deadpan delivery of one-liners. He's also an actor and an Oscar-winning producer, among other things. What follows are a few of his one-liners after which I have share a link to more than 100 more at Laughter Online University.

It’s a small world, but I wouldn’t want to have to paint it.

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

I intend to live forever – so far, so good.

Change is inevitable….except from vending machines.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.

The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.

You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?

* * * 

He reminds me of someone, but I could be wrong. I'm curious if he used to say "Wright on" when he was younger. 

Steven Wright Quotes: Best Of

Related Links

A Visit with Tony Belmont of the National Comedy Hall of Fame

My Original August 4 Stand Up Routine: Eggplant Humor and More

A Bit of Ennyman Humor from the Archives

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