Grown-ups, Have Your Dreams Come True?

Guest blog post by John Prin

“The greatest despair is to not become the person you were meant to be.”

--Soren Kierkegaard

Ramona had a dream. A big dream. During one of my seminars, she declared, “My dream is to prevent any animal on the planet from ever being harmed.” Her certainty and clarity got everybody’s attention, as it did mine. But she was too busy with life, taking care of three growing children, running a busy household, and working part time at a supermarket as well as volunteering on weekends. How could she possibly realize such a huge dream?

We all dream about the best life we want to live. Many of us imagine great deeds and larger-than-life goals. Almost any functioning adult, it turns out, faces a primal, deep-rooted quandary that will define their identity:

“Why am I alive?”

“What is my purpose in life?”

“What am I going to do about it?”

In our minds, we may aspire to lofty achievements and significant acts of service that will inspire our fellow human beings. We may envision striving for a grand purpose, a destiny we are meant to fulfill. Yet . . .

A vast number of us learn that life gets in the way. Quite simply, we confront obstacles and life’s demands, so we eventually settle for less and move on. Where do those dreams of making a difference go? When we postpone our destiny, is a happy ending impossible?

Some people avoid the responsibility of answering these three questions by working hard at unsatisfying jobs to provide a living for their family, while others escape into the abuse of drugs and alcohol or depression and apathy, to cite a few responses. My seminar titled My Life Dream and Destiny occurred during a national conference for health care professionals. 1 I asked the thirty-five audience members: “Have any of you defined your dream in life and are you working to make it come true? Or, is your destiny on hold waiting for you to act?”

That’s when Ramona, a woman in her 40s, raised her hand and declared her big dream. Fellow participants affirmed its idealism, its simplicity and universal scope, but wondered how a goal so lofty could ever be achieved. We discussed how significant progress toward a goal that huge for one person would itself be a worthy lifetime project. One participant suggested narrowing “animals” to more manageable limits: from dogs, to cats and other pets, to horses, and so on.

“So, Ramona,” I asked, “what steps are you taking to make your dream come true?”

“None right now,” she responded. “But that’s why I’m here: to come up with a plan and do something about it.”

Ramona reminisced about being raised on a farm and her childhood love of animals. The passion in her voice aroused us. I asked, “In what ways could you rekindle that same passion as a mature adult?” She drew a blank. 

One group member suggested, “Sounds like you know why you are alive and what your purpose is.” Another proposed that she could volunteer at a local humane society where injured or abused animals need care. Ramona liked that idea, however, “My goal is to prevent animals from being abused and mistreated in the first place.” Still another member offered to help create a website to promote her cause. She scribbled notes.

Group members raised the issue of priorities: What activities would Ramona have to put aside to make available more time in her schedule to invest the energy her big dream required. People suggested new choices of activities such as encouraging neighbors and friends to join her, using social media to spread the word, different ways to raise money, etc. Ramona acknowledged that her husband and kids no longer needed the level of attention she’d once devoted to them years earlier. “A lot of years have piled up behind me, and the ones ahead are getting fewer and fewer. I’m going crazy every day thinking about it.”

“The purpose of life is to live a life of purpose.”

--Poet Robert Byrne

Whenever people focus on positive and authentic goals that matter deeply to them their energy elevates and new priorities become clearer. I offered a three-phase model intended to help a person “unleash the most complete version of their authentic self—to embrace “the True You self” that strives to make one’s dream come true for the benefit of others.” 2

Dream: An ideal that nourishes and challenges me.

Purpose: My motivation to do, and be, my best for others.

Meaning: Why my dream, and my life, matter.

The distinctions between “dream,” “purpose,” and “meaning” set off some animated comments. As individuals, we can choose and develop our dream based on our strongest interests and highest values. Purpose stimulates us to arrange the roles and responsibilities of our job/finances, family/spouse/children, and citizenship functions in society that will facilitate our dream.

Meaning is the set of emotions that result; it’s what happens when the benefits and rewards for others and ourselves accrue from acting freely and authentically.

For Ramona, that meant a solid answer to the question, “Does my life matter?” She replied with a resounding, “Yes.” A happier family life could also follow because she would be acting consistently with her authentic dream and celebrating when each of her objectives and goals made headway.

Meaning is the elixir of life that human beings seek and desire, the fulfillment of one’s life lived with passion and purpose. Meaning can be experienced as inner joy even in the midst of outer trials and severe circumstances. Meaning results from accomplishing tasks and goals which achieve a broader purpose; it follows from expressing one’s gifts to the world, and from serving something larger than oneself (a cause, a population, a life mission). 3

“The key to realizing a dream is to focus not on success but significance, and then even small steps and little victories along your path will take on greater meaning.” 

--Oprah Winfrey

John Prin leading a seminar.

When aligned, a person’s dream, purpose, and meaning generate the reality of knowing who we are and why we are alive. We live out the reason for getting up in the morning and moving through the day. When legitimate daily demands of competing priorities arise, like careers or parenting, we find fresh energy to keep going.

Ask yourself: “Is my destiny calling me? Is it time to go deep within myself—beyond being a mom/dad and wife/husband and employee/boss—and nurture the “me” who is an artist, inventor, explorer, entrepreneur, leader, or pioneer?” Expressing that identity will make possible the finest moments of being alive—as one who knows who you are and why you are alive.

“With optimism and a firm belief in a positive future, you can throw yourself into the service of that which is larger than you are.”

--Martin Seligman, Founder of Positive Psychology

1. Florida Inner Circle Networking Conference, Fort Lauderdale February 2008

2. Roadmap to Lifelong Recovery Guidebook, © John Prin, 2008 PESI 2008

3. Authentic Happiness, © Martin E. P. Seligman, Jan 5, 2004 Atria Books