Seeking Balance in Managing Depression

Depression is one of those things that comes in many guises. We often don't even recognize it. Most of us have struggled with bouts of depression at one time or another. These past two years have tested a lot of us in this regard. 

The causes of depression vary. Repressed anger can make us depressed. Broken relationships can devastate us. The challenges of dealing with a major health event like cancer, heart attack or stroke can become overwhelming and draining. A grinding long-term disability can drag us down as well. The loss of a loved one can put our emotions in a tailspin. Wrestling with guilt and failure leave us drained, sometimes leading to an existential crisis of meaning. Disillusionment  likewise steals our joy and undermines hope. 

In short, depression is not an uncommon occurrence. It almost seems like it's part of being human. My grandmother once wrote wrote a poem that compared depression with a springboard or trampoline. The deeper we go the higher we fly. These emotional ups and downs can be agents of self-understanding. 

My brother Ron is a psychologist (PhD, Temple) who has regularly addressed this issue in his  three decades of counseling. I asked if he might share his thoughts on this topic. 

Seeking Balance in Managing Depression

Depression is everyman’s illness.  People experience a loss of interest or enjoyment in life, lack of energy, social withdrawal, feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness, and even suicidal thoughts.  The causes may be varied, including various losses in one’s life, trauma in a person’s past, unhealthy family relationships throughout one’s life, or even genetic and generational predispositions.  

The following suggestions are meant to inspire you toward successful coping approaches that will facilitate pulling you out of the dark places of life.

Treat yourself with compassion.  Self-hate is often your enemy.  Seek to show yourself the compassion you would show someone else going through a similar struggle.  

Tone down your inner critic.  Related to the above suggestion, this involves tuning in to what your critical inner voice is saying, then turning down the volume.  Simultaneously, you can tune in to the “positive coach” in your head and turn that volume up.  

Resist guilt and shame.  Actually, accept their existence in your life, but resist dwelling on these emotions. Instead, let go of the root causes of these feelings and focus on what is more important and of value to you. Forgiveness can help you make healthy changes in your behavior.

Activate yourself.  Resist the temptation to become more passive. Find those “baby steps” that can keep you doing activities you used to find meaningful. Believe that you have the power to do this, even when you do not feel like doing anything. Ideally, increasing exercise in your life and eating in a healthy manner can be part of this “activation”.  

Avoid spiritualizing the problem.  Many people of faith beat up on themselves for not having enough faith, or praying enough, or doing some other spiritual discipline or exercise. This only makes the depression worse.  Focus on the emphasis of grace in your faith-tradition, and seek strength to deal with the practical areas where you can make healthy choices.

Get medical tests.  In some cases, thyroid problems and other medical conditions can precipitate depression. This should be ruled out before assuming it is due to other psychosocial reasons.

Hold on to hope.  Develop a belief and confidence that your emotional state is temporary, not permanent. This hopeful attitude can be nurtured. This can be done through meditating on stories of hope, or even more positive movies that used to make you feel good. Or consider other people who have wrestled with depression and come out victorious.

Avoid depressing stimuli.  Put aside tragic movies or depressing stories. Stop replaying your own depressing stories in your mind, unless it is for the purpose of finding a healthier way of looking at the situation such as you would do with a psychotherapist.  

Build a healthy support system.  This may involve setting boundaries on others who are less healthy and do more harm than good to you. On the other hand, “no man is an island.” We need other people in our lives. Building healthy relationships is essential in overcoming depression.

Get professional help.  There is no shame in obtaining help from a professional who has studied depression and understands its dynamics, including various approaches to breaking free from its clutches. Different areas of focus may be working through the grief of past losses, identifying and addressing unhealthy thought processes, and building healthy communication patterns with others.  Medication is always a safety net which can be utilized if other approaches are unsuccessful.  

Ronald S. Newman, Ph.D. is a psychologist at the Lakeview Professional Center on Route 30 in South Jersey. He can be reached at: write2balance@gmail.com.

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