Journal Notes: June 13-16, 1993

Last night I pulled out one of my forty or so notebooks and began reading randomly. Photo albums are great for resurrecting lost memories. Journals provide snapshots of our internal journeys, struggles, reflections and impressions of our life experiences. They can also have therapeutic value as we unravel the emotional and psychological knots that entangle us. 

Everyone who keeps a journal or diary does so in his or her own way. There are no rules. My earlier scratchings were very different from later. Once I began blogging in 2007 my journal notes dropped off some, though never entirely. It is invaluable to have a private space where we can "let our hair down" and be wholly our selves, in God's presence, free from the critical scrutiny of others.  

What follows are some notes from four days in 1993. 

June 13, 1993
"Never measure the height of a mountain until you have reached the top. Then you will see how low it was."
—Dag Hammarskjold, Markings

"If I freeze in the moment like the rest who don't try, what good am I?"
—Dylan

In reading Unamuno I am confronted again with the need to go to Cervantes — the seminal fount of so much that is noble.

* * * 

Sermon today on Lot &c.  Genesis 19. "Lot hesitated."

I find I can relate. But by grace he was saved from the fire. His wife, on the other hand, was not saved. What I find myself asking is… Did Lot's wife really turn into a pillar of salt? Or is this a story to teach us something about looking back?

* * * 

For him who truly Hungers to live, only living fully, deeply, satisfies this longing. We satisfy our hunger to live by Living.

* * * 

Evening
Purchased the Don Quixote this afternoon and a book of Kafka's short stories. In opening the Kafka, it immediately opens to a short story that is a tribute to Quixote about Sancho's part in the story. Kafka tips his hat, as did Unamuno.

Shall I not also pay my respects?

* * * 

June 14

"We cannot afford to forget any experience, not even the most painful."

—Dag Hammarskjold, Markings

D.H.'s book is an honest, deep, "picking at the scabs"—trying to understand the mysteries of injury and healing, pain and meaning. And [it's] good writing, too.

Productive weekend included finding book treasures, watching movies, finishing practical tasks, and completing some writing. 

Of D.H.'s Markings: The book is a treasure trove filled with gold pieces.

Here and there, pockets of inspiration and hope nurture the weary traveller… and his heart is lifted.

Rejoice, sons and daughters of Jerusalem. Rejoice!

* * * 

June 15

Am reading the Quixote. In caricature we see our selves. How often are we not so unlike the Quixote, imagining ourselves fighting battles for righteousness while others only see a grown man making a fool of himself?

* * * 

June 16

We live, we move, we have our being.

This waking hour, this mortal frame

This fleeting breath we call life's game

Reminds us where our Rest shall be

Not here on earth, but eternity

* * * * * 

Markings

"We cannot afford to forget any experience, not even the most painful." ~ Dag Hammarskjold

Dag Hammarskjold was a Swedish diplomat who became the first Secretary-General of the United Nations. His book Markings is a collection of notes, poems, philosophical musings, insights on life and the challenges of being human in the modern world.

I discovered Hammarskjold's book in June 1993. Of his book I wrote in my own journal, "an honest, deep 'picking at the scabs' trying to understand the mysteries of injury and healing, pain and meaning. And good writing, too." And later I referred to it as a "treasure chest filled with gold pieces."

There are a number of themes he explores in the book, from his inner spiritual quest to the challenges of balancing public and private life. One would never know from reading the excerpts from his journals that he had been a man with such public influence and responsibility. The candor of his personal wrestlings is what gives the book its power.

Here are a few "gold pieces" for consideration from Hammarskjold.

1) I am reading about some persons, long dead. Surreptitiously, other names insert themselves into the text, and, presently, I am reading about us, as we shall be when we are the past. Most has utterly vanished. Problems which were once so vital spread themselves over the pages as cold abstractions--simple ones, but we failed to understand them. We appear as rather stupid, foolish, self-seeking puppets, moved by obvious strings which, now and then, get tangled up.

It is no caricature that I encounter in the distorting mirror of historial research. Simply the proof that it has all been vanity.

2) Is life so wretched? Isn't it rather your hands are too small, your vision which is muddled? You are the one who must grow up.

3) We are not permitted to choose the frame of our destiny. But what we put into it is ours. He who wills adventure will experience it--according to the measure of his courage. He who wills sacrifice will be sacrified--according to the measure of the purity of his heart.

4) God does not die on the day when we cease to believe in a personal deity, but we die on the day when our lives cease to be illumined by the steady radiance, renewed daily, of a wonder, the source of which is beyond all reason.

5) Never look down to test the ground before taking your next step: only he who keeps his eye fixed on the far horizon will find his right road.

6) Never measure the height of a mountain, until you have reached the top. Then you will see how low it was.

7) The light died in the low clouds. Falling snow drank in the dusk. Shrouded in silence, the branches wrapped me in their peace. When the boundaries were erased, once again the wonder: that I exist.

The book, when released in 1964, quickly became a #1 New York Times Bestseller. It remained 31 weeks at the #1 position on the NYT Bestseller list, more than half a year... and worthy.

Thank you Mr. Hammarskjold for your service to humanity and for having shared this book of deeply personal and profound insights.

Markings

"We cannot afford to forget any experience, not even the most painful." ~ Dag Hammarskjold

Hammarskjold was the first Secretary-General of the United Nations. His book, Markings, is a collection of notes, poems, philosophical musings, insights on life and the challenges of being human in the modern world.

I discovered Hammarskjold in June 1993. Of his book I wrote in my own journal, "an honest, deep 'picking at the scabs' trying to understand the mysteries of injury and healing, pain and meaning. And good writing, too." And later I referred to it as a "treasure chest filled with gold pieces."

Here are two more "gold pieces" for today from Hammarskjold:

"Never look down to test the ground before taking your next step: only he who keeps his eye fixed on the far horizon will find his right road."

"Never measure the height of a mountain, until you have reached the top. Then you will see how low it was."

Thank you Mr. Hammarskjold for your service to humanity and for having shared this book of deeply personal and profound insights.