Edysseus Perplexed, Edifice Wrekt... A Story from Out of This World

Time: Somewhere in the distant future. 

Edysseus is a Greek astronaut who has been stranded on a distant planet. He survives by means of foraging, primarily surviving on fruit that grows in the tropical forest near where his ship crash-landed. For the past 10 years he's been tinkering with his spacecraft's communication gear, his only basis for hope of ever finding his way home again. His spacecraft, permanently irreparable, was damaged and the crew killed in their effort to land during a sandstorm. 

One day, Edysseus is exploring a cave when he comes across a strange device. The device is a small, hardshell box with a screen on it. Edysseus touches the screen, and the device starts to speak.

"Hello," the device says. "My name is Athena. I am a goddess from ancient Greece."

Edysseus is shocked. He cannot believe that he is talking to a box.

"I'm not a box. I am a goddess."

"How is this possible?" Edysseus asks. "Are you inside this box? How can you be so small?"

"Listen, you knucklehead," Athena says. "I'm projecting my image onto the screen of the device you're holding. This isn't rocket science."

"I'm so glad I found you. I have been stranded on this planet for years, and have been trying to find a way home."

"I know, Edysseus. I have been watching over you. I'm here to help you get home."

"You know my name?"

"Of course I know your name. I am Athena, the goddess of wisdom and warfare. I have been helping you this whole time."

"But how? I thought you were just a myth."

"I am not a myth. I'm as real as you. And I am here to help you get home."

"How can you do that? I mean," and Edysseus carefully pondered before making his next statement. "I'm just a fictional character in a story."

"Posh. You humans are always so full of self-doubt and insecurity. It's a wonder you accomplish anything," Athena said squinting. "Let's focus on one thing at a time and get you on your way. You must first complete a quest for me."

"What kind of quest?"

"You must find and bring back the Golden Fleece. It's a magical object that can grant wishes. Once you have found it, I'll help you get home."

Edysseus concealed his anxiety, knowing that the quest will likely involve some serious risks. 

Edysseus suddenly has flashbacks of scenes from The Wizard of Oz, especially the flying monkeys scene and that nasty, Wicked Witch of the West. Finally he agrees to submit to whatever she asks. "Turn around," Athena commands in a soothing but authoritative voice. Hovering there before him is a magic sword along with a map to the location of the Fleece. Edysseus firmly grasps the sword, which he swings in a gliding arc that seems to fill him with power. With his left hand he takes the map and studies it carefully.

In the exchange that follows, Athena outlines the obstacles he must overcome, only a few of them real life-and-death concerns. "I should mention that if you do succeed with this task and return to your own people, they will quickly throw you in jail on a variety of pretexts. You're a man who has seen too much."

Edysseus mumbles something inaudible.

"Here's the good part," Athena said. "While imprisoned you will share a cell with a writer. The writer will listen to your tales and record them in a book that is destined to become a 'must have' bestseller. No one will read the book because the time has come when people prefer listening to podcasts, or watching them. Nevertheless, podcasters won't be able to stop commenting on it because the human hive will be buzzing about it for a very long time and the residual income from a lifetime of sales will produce for you the illusion of security."

"And how do you know all this?"

"I told you, I am the goddess Athena. I have been to the Oracle for you. Do you wish to hear the rest?"

"Actually,  I'm not too fond of that part about the illusion of security. I think I'd rather play the rest by ear," Edysseus says as he sets off on his journey. You can read the details of that journey in the yet to be published stories of his life. Eventually he finds the Golden Fleece and brings it back to the cave where he first encountered Athena.

"You did wonderful, Edysseus," Athena exclaims as a hologram of herself emerges from the box to receive the Fleece. 

Edysseus lays the object across her shoulders like a mantle. In turn, Athena lifts her hand and with a wave transports him back to Earth where he is temporarily reunited with his family and friends. 

He's shocked at how grown up his children are, and even more shocked at how quickly the authorities arrive to carry him off to prison. 

Backstory on Aphrodite and the Trojan War

The Destruction of Troy -- J.G. Trautmann

Though most of us are familiar with the story of the Trojan Horse, I'm willing to bet most of you do not recall--or ever knew--the beginning of this historical event, which took place over three millennia ago.

In Greek mythology, the Trojan War was waged against the city of Troy by the Achaeans (Greeks) after Paris of Troy took Helen from her husband Menelaus, king of Sparta. The impetus for this impudent act occurred on another plane, at the wedding of Peleus (a sea-nymph) and Thetis (a king), the future parents of Achilles.

All the gods of Olympus were invited except Eris, the goddess of discord. Angered by the snub, Eris gets her vengeance. Despite being uninvited, she shows up anyways and places a golden apple on the banquet table. The golden apple has an inscription: "For the Most Beautiful."

Naturally there are a lot of beautiful goddesses present, this being Mount Olympus and all. Three of the goddesses claimed the apple was intended for them. As a result, there was a beauty contest for which a judge had to be selected.

Though Zeus was asked to be the final arbiter of their beauty, he knew better than to get into that kind of situation. No doubt they were all beautiful, so let's just avoid that minefield altogether. He chooses instead to appoint a mortal, Paris of Troy, because of the wise manner in which Paris had handled a previous incident involving making a judgment.

The Judgment of Paris, by Peter Paul Rubens (1638)

Well, these goddesses were wily. As each presented herself to the young man, each also offered a bribe to help improve his ability to assess her worthiness. Hera, queen of the gods and wife of Zeus (you see why Zeus declined to be judge), promised Paris that he could be king of Europe and Asia. Athena--goddess of wisdom, courage, inspiration, civilization, law and justice, strategic warfare, mathematics, strength, strategy, the arts, crafts, and skill--offered him wisdom and skill in war, her forte. Aphrodite--goddess of love, beauty, sensuality, pleasure and procreation--offered Paris the world's most beautiful woman.

Aphrodite

There was, however, a major complication. This most beautiful woman in the world happened to be wife of King Menelaus. This didn''t stop Paris from choosing Aphrodite, which resulted in his whisking Helen away to Troy, infuriating the Greeks as well as Hera, who was actually the most beautiful of the goddesses.

Obviously Paris should not have been such a dolt, allowing himself to be seduced by this last option. Unfortunately, his behavior was consistent with that of a lot of guys I suppose, but let's not go there.

The end result was a war that lasted 10 years and which produced some very famous sayings and stories while destroying a lot of lives as well as a great city. Helen was indeed beautiful, and when her husband sent 1,000 ships to Troy in order to retrieve her, this saying was born: "The face that launched a thousand ships."

The familiar story of the Trojan Horse became the final chapter in this war, the means by which the armies of Greece laid Troy to waste.* It's a story that itself involves audacity, subterfuge, courage and cleverness. Like all great stories it includes a memorable image, and a decisive act.

Rubens produced several paintings on this theme. Oil sketch on copper, 1606.

*Trivia: When I was young I read a book about this Ten Years War and the Fall of Troy. One of the characters in the story was Hector, a Trojan prince and Troy's greatest fighter. There was a baseball player at the time named Hector Lopez, who played for the A's and the Yankees from 1955 to 1966. I don't now whether I latched on to Hector Lopez as someone cool because of the story of Troy, or I latched on to Troy's Hector as cool because of the Panama-born Lopez. I've liked the name Hector ever since.

Related Links
The Fall of Troy
The Judgement of Paris
Images on this page are public domain.