Black Friday Mayhem Symptom of Larger Problem

By now, nearly all of us have heard about it. People were talking about it over drinks on Spirit Mountain at the AMSOIL Duluth Nationals Snocross event here last night. People are going to be talking about it over breakfast tables this morning.

A Fox News version of the story begins like this: “Black Friday took a grim turn when a New York Wal-Mart employee died after bargain hunters broke down the doors to the store, pushing him to the ground.” One man was killed and four others sent to the hospital in the madness. Evidently the mob turned even uglier when the store had the audacity to announce they would close briefly to tend to the dead and wounded.

In an unrelated West Coast event, two people were shot to death at a Toys R Us. Probably not gang related.

So the question is, how badly do you need that 52 inch flat panel television set or GPS device that was on sale?

No, that is not what we should be asking. The real question we should ask is how did it come to this that people are so self-centered and rude that they would be this out of control.

A fellow I was talking with at the snocross event actually went shopping yesterday morning. He said it was unplanned, but since he and his wife were lying awake, why not get up and go to the store to see the madness and take advantage of some bargains. At one store, there was congestion due to the crowd just inside the door. He said a group of women huddled together in the parking lot, then, ran toward the doors, forming a wedge of blockers like in a football kickoff return, and crashed into the store through the bulk of shoppers blocking their way. He’d never seen anything like it.

Oprah, in her magazine O, addressed the issue of rudeness earlier this year. She asked Jerry Seinfeld his biggest pet peeve and he said “a lack of civility.” The article, Are you rude? Maybe you should think again highlighted the following points:
Eighty percent of Americans think rudeness is a serious national problem
Ninety-nine percent of same people say that they themselves are not rude
Going through life rude and angry can make you sick, author says
To see rudeness in action, look in the restaurants of America

I was struck by the second point here, that the majority think they are not rude. Reason being, I am rude sometimes and know that I am. And I know it's wrong. And, I really am trying to change. How can you change if you don't think you are doing anything wrong? How can 99% of Americans see that rudeness is a problem, but only one percent see themselves as being rude?

The answer is that a lot people believe they have a right to be rude sometimes but don’t call it rudeness. Impatience is one way we demonstrate uncivil behavior and justify it. And yes, the Oprah article is correct, restaurants do give you a fairly accurate reflection of how rude we are. Restaurant waitresses have to routinely deal with rude people who are impatient when their food is not served immediately after it is ordered. It is our right to be so served, is it not? We tend to demand fast service, AND service with a smile, no matter how badly we treat those who are serving us.

In an article titled The Social Epidemic of Rudeness V.C. Higuera writes, “It amazes me how rude people are today. I am sure that this type of behavior has always existed. Maybe I was raised different. Growing up I noticed that my parents always showed consideration for those around them. If we were driving in the parking lot of the grocery store, they would always stop the car to allow pedestrians to walk. If they walked into a store, they always briefly held the door for the person behind them. The strangers who receive my parent’s kind gesture were always appreciative and demonstrated this with a hand wave or a thank you. I grew up thinking that this was the proper way to interact with others while in public.”

There it is. People were once trained to be polite as part of their upbringing. At least some were so trained.

But then, isn’t it our nature to want everything our own way? Today’s rudeness may be directly related to the “Me Generation” coming of age. It is my right to be treated with respect, like a god. We drive down the highway this way: Everyone out of my way. I am coming down the road. Get out of my way. And we consider it an insult when someone cuts us off, even if unintentionally.

I used to think a “high-powered executive” was one who gets results. Maybe it is someone who excels in rudeness, in pushing people to get them to do what he needs to get done so he achieves those results. I never saw it that way until I read this article about hospitals trying to reign in rude doctors.

“High-powered physicians, some with bad tempers, are not new. But increasingly, hospitals… are attempting to curb the reputations of rude or arrogant surgeons and doctors by instituting policies that hold all employees accountable for their behavior.” ~ E.B. Solomont, Hospitals Try To Rein in Doctors' Rudeness, N.Y. Sun

Hmmm. The same can probably be said for high-powered executives.

And the mobs yesterday at Wal-Mart stores across America? It was only a matter of time before something like this would happen. I don’t think we need more laws to fix this problem. We just need to practice day to day what we all know is a good and true maxim for life: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”

Making the world a better place begins with me.