When Getting What We Want Isn't Enough: A Pascal Reflection

Blaise Pascal once wrote, “It is not well to be too much at liberty. It is not well to have all we want.”

This runs against nearly everything our contemporary culture tells us. We tend to think of freedom as the removal of restraints. More choices are better than fewer choices. More money is better than less. If something stands between us and what we want, remove the obstacle.

But Pascal--a French mathematician, physicist, inventor, and religious philosopher of major significance--understood something about human nature that we sometimes forget. Limits are not always our enemies.

Years ago I wrote something similar in one of my journals: “When we get what we want, we usually get more than we bargained for.” We may want the promotion, but discover that it comes with headaches and responsibilities that we hadn't anticipated. When we go for a bigger house, we discover that we've also acquired higher taxes, more maintenance and more rooms to clean. The pursuit of unlimited choices may leave us paralyzed because we're unable to choose or decide what we want.

The old saying, “Be careful what you wish for” is a word for the wise. The expression has survived because experience keeps proving it true.

The Paradox of Limits

Nearly everything worthwhile depends upon some kind of limitation. Consider music. A piano has only 88 keys. Western music is constructed around a limited number of notes. Musical composition has rules governing harmony, rhythm and structure. Yet Bach, Beethoven, Duke Ellington and Bob Dylan somehow managed to create astonishingly different things within these limitations. The limits didn't prevent creativity. They made creativity possible.

The same is true of a football field. There are sidelines. There is a clock. There are rules about what you can and cannot do with the ball. Remove all the restrictions and you haven't created greater freedom for the players. You've destroyed the game. (Suppose, for example, that defenders could rush before the ball is snapped.)

Language works the same way. Grammar limits how we arrange words, but those limitations enable us to communicate. A sonnet has fourteen lines and a particular structure. That restriction has not prevented poets from writing beautiful sonnets. It gives them something to work against.

Could it be that life works that way, too?

Freedom From What?

We often speak about freedom without completing the sentence. Freedom from what? And perhaps more importantly: freedom for what?

There is obviously much to be said for freedom from oppression, coercion and arbitrary authority. But there is another kind of freedom that sounds attractive until we examine where it leads: freedom from obligation, responsibility and consequences. 

Marriage is an obvious example. When we marry someone, we voluntarily surrender possibilities. We make a promise that closes certain doors. That sounds restrictive because it is restrictive. But the restriction is precisely what gives the promise its meaning.

If I promise to meet you Tuesday but reserve the right to change my mind whenever something more interesting comes along, I haven't really made a promise. Commitment limits us. It also makes trust possible.

The Gift of Resistance

Some of the things we initially regard as obstacles may actually be doing us a favor. Deadlines force us to finish. After forty-five years of freelance writing I have never missed a deadline. When I was in fourth or fifth grade we were paired with other classmates to do a collaborative report for geography. The day before the report was due, my co-author notified me that he had done nothing. No research, no notes. I complained to my mom ho unfair it was, but she was smarter than me. She said I had to stay up and write the report, no matter how late it was when I finished. While working on it, I witnessed something miraculous that I've never forgotten, that I never would have seen had I not been required to finish that night.

Budgets a likewise a challenge because they force us to prioritize. When money is tight, we discover what really matters to us. 

Physical limitations force athletes to train. The difficulty of mastering an instrument makes playing it well satisfying. The resistance of the blank page forces a writer to think. What am I really trying to say? 

Even boredom may have its uses. Generations before ours didn't carry a device in their pocket capable of filling every empty moment with entertainment. They occasionally had to sit quietly. Or ponder. Or notice what was happening around them. Whether eliminating boredom through reels news clips has made us happier is another question.

Modern technology has steadily removed friction from everyday life. We can buy nearly anything without leaving home. We can watch thousands of movies without waiting for one to appear on television. We can communicate instantly with someone on the other side of the planet. And thought these are remarkable achievements, every solved problem seems to bring another problem with it. 

More Than We Bargained For

This is where Pascal's observation becomes interesting. “It is not well to have all we want.”

He isn't necessarily saying that wanting things is wrong. Nor is he suggesting poverty, hardship or oppression are somehow desirable. The deeper point concerns human nature. We aren't always particularly good at knowing what will make us happy.

A child may want all the candy he can eat, but an adult understands why that isn't a good idea. On the other hand, adulthood does not necessarily eliminate the impulse. We simply acquire more sophisticated forms of candy. 

We pursue these things believing satisfaction waits somewhere on the other side. Sometimes it does. Sometimes we arrive and discover another appetite waiting for us. In The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe (The Chronicles of Narnia), the White Witch seductively lures Edmund away from loyalty to Aslan and his family with what C.S. Lewis called Turkish Delight. In the story Turkish Delight becomes a metaphor for all the various temptations that lure us away from our true calling and higher self: money, recognition, possessions, pleasure, status, power, freedom from obligations.

There is always a little more money to make, another achievement to pursue, another possession to acquire, another experience we haven't had. The finish line keeps moving, and the reward of tasting more Turkish Delight propels us forward.

Perhaps that is why wisdom traditions have generally placed such emphasis on restraint. Temperance, patience, faithfulness, discipline and self-control sound old-fashioned because each involves voluntarily accepting limits.

The real bottom line is this: a person incapable of saying no to himself isn't really free. He is simply governed by his appetites.

Getting what we want isn't necessarily a bad thing. On the other hand, some doors are better left closed.

Whatever Happened To Discipline?

To borrow an observation from my 92-year-old mother, "It's funny the things we remember."  This morning I recalled two books I read four and five decades ago. One was called The Disciplined Life, by Richard S. Taylor. The subtitle for this book is The Mark of Christian Maturity. You don't have to be a Christian to resonate with many of the messages in this book. Though written to help Christians reach their full potential, Taylor's observations and advice apply across the board. 

Lack of discipline has many negative consequences in our relationship and in our work lives. Over-reacting to tense situations or criticism has cost more than a few people their jobs. Erractic (undisciplined) emotions can interfere with one's productivity. Tardiness is often due to lack of discipline with one's time. 

The second book is John Hersey's Too Far To Walk. This is a lesser known book by the author of Hiroshima, Hersey's powerful study of the aftereffects of the first atomic bomb. Too Far To Walk is a 1966 novel about the turbulence of the Sixties. The main character is John Fist, who one day decides to skip a class because it is across campus and too far to walk. The novel details his slide into lack of motivation and self-indulgence. 

The benefits of living a disciplined life are many. Do you want to be happy? Change your behavior and you won't have to beat yourself up all the time for your follies.

Here are some of the other advantages of living a disciplined life.

1. Increased productivity: When you follow a routine and discipline yourself to stick to it, you are more likely to get things done efficiently and effectively. You'll waste less time and have a clearer sense of purpose and direction. Procrastination is the enemy of productivity. We put off doing what isn't "fun" and get less done, because things like getting up in the morning or doing taxes aren't always that exciting.
2. Improved health and well-being: Increased productivity rewards us with a feeling of accomplishment which can boost your self-esteem and confidence. When you feel good you have more of a spring in your step and it lifts those around us as well. Discipline can help you develop healthy habits, such as regular exercise and a balanced diet. It can also help you avoid unhealthy behaviors like excessive drinking or smoking.
3. Greater self-control: Living a disciplined life can help you resist temptations and make better choices. You'll be more in control of your impulses and less likely to give in to immediate gratification. To learn more about the benefits of deferred gratification read this article about The Marshmallow Experiment.
4. Enhanced focus and concentration: A disciplined life can help you eliminate distractions and focus your attention on the task at hand. This also can lead to increased productivity and better outcomes. Tip: How much screen time do you allow yourself each day? How about your kids? 

Writers working on assignment know how important deadlines are. It takes discipline to stay organized and on task, whatever size the project. 

When I was a senior in high school I heard a classmate explaining why he was joining the army. He said that he had no personal discipline and his life felt out of control. He felt like he needed an external force to change this or he would never amount to anything and very likely would self-destruct. It was apparent he had spent a lot of time thinking about his behavior and what he wanted out of life. He knew his future was in his hands.

If your life is out of control, do whatever it takes to turn it around. You only live once. 

Photo Credit: AI modified version of my Portrait of John Cage

The Virtue of Discipline

Photo by Azamat Zhanisov on Unsplash

“The pain of self-discipline will never be as great as the pain of regret.”--Anon.

You don't hear much about the word discipline these days. Perhaps it's because we associate it with getting a spanking when we were little. It sounds like something harsh, like something no one wants to do and that kids especially don't like.*

The word discipline, however is an exceedingly important word. I'm referring here to personal discipline. In the realm of finances, for example, it takes discipline to live within one's means. It takes discipline to set aside money for the future.

In the realm of pursuing a career in music, every master pianist spends hours and years developing finger strength, muscle memory and uncanny degrees of skill by countless hours of disciplined practice.

In sports, the very best in the game have spent untold hours honing their instincts and skills. As a boy, for example, Yankees pitcher Mariano Rivera spent hours upon hours throwing a baseball at a nail-head on the back of his father's boathouse. This exercise produced in him a throwing precision that made him one of the most intimidating closers in baseball history.

Improving one's knowledge by reading takes discipline. Television is a mindless activity that offers a temporary distraction from stress, responsibility or other life burdens, but as a way of life it does little more than fill time.And for most it is just a habit. Leaders read. Time is too precious to waste on habits that undermine more productive pursuits.

Here's another area where it takes discipline. It takes discipline not to react to things that people say or stories you hear, until you know they are true. Sometimes we blow a fuse before we even know the facts. Our first reaction is often to think the worst. We overreact.

A better habit would be to practice the P.I.N. Method taught by Dr. Edward De Bono. Everything has a Positive, Interesting and Negative aspect. By rationally analyzing things we hear, we defuse the emotion that clouds our thinking. It takes discipline to do this.

And when it comes to passing along stories you see on social media, it takes discipline to pause, reflect, and check it out to verify if it is even true. Why risk your own cred by just spreading manure.

Learning to control our emotions is a discipline. Self-control doesn't sound all that fun to many people, but if you speak your mind every time you are angry you will not only wreck relationships, you can very easily lose your job. When the Bill of Rights addresses freedom of expression, this isn't what the Founding Fathers had in mind.

Another area of emotional maturity is in the realm of moodiness. "I'm in a bad mood and that means I don't want anyone around me to be in a good mood." It's a mark of maturity to be considerate of co-workers and others in your life. (I am not saying we're not allowed to get depressed. I am suggesting that we have more control over how we express it than we usually want to own up to.)

Winners and Losers

We live in an era where the word competition is under attack. The reality is, competition brings out the best in us. When we compete in a tournament, something is at stake. That something inspires us to work harder to be better, whether it be soccer, chess or poker. If "everyone wins" the end result is to make everyone a loser. Why try when you know being better makes no difference?

In the real world, when kids grow up, they will discover that not everyone gets the job. When there are openings, there are usually more candidates than jobs. There will be winners and losers. This is the way life works.

Punctuality is a discipline. Writers who work on assignment quickly learn that deadlines are real. The publication will be going to  press and your story needs to be there early in order to be edited, typeset, etc. Writers also need to develop the discipline of editing their work.

And yes, it is work. And work itself is a discipline.

Addicted to Self-Indulgence
The Nike slogan, "Do It" shouldn't be interpreted to mean "Do whatever pops into your head."

"I want this. I want that. I want, want want want want.... Gotta have it. Please please please please please."

One of the reasons we're so undisciplined in our culture is that we've lost sight of the value of discipline as being a means to a higher purpose: to become our better selves.

THIS BLOG POST was triggered by an article I saw on The Ladders about bad habits we must break to improve our lives. The opening paragraph was right on point.

Habits define us. And nothing sabotages your creativity and productive life quite like bad habits. In the words of Samuel Johnson “The chains of habit are too weak to be felt until they are too strong to be broken.”

We all know what we need to do. Unfortunately most of us are trapped into following the path of least resistance. "I'll quit tomorrow," we say, about whatever has us hooked in like smoking, overeating, porn, watching TV, etc.  As for building positive habits, like getting the exercise we know we need... "Tomorrow." Or, "Next week will be soon enough."

All this to say, it all boils down to self-talk. What's happening in your head is where the battle is. If I may, here's a line from a Bob Marley song you should take to heart: "Don't give up the fight!"

Plato put it this way: “The first and best victory is to conquer self.”

Related Links
Bad Habits You Must Break Immediately to Improve Your Life 
I was spanked with a belt. My Dad was spanked with a Razor Strop