A New Script For Responding to Telemarketers: Dylan Trivia

Unwanted robocalls from telemarketers can be nothing short of exasperating. Their knew technique is especially so. I am referring here to the way they now use phone numbers with familiar names on your caller I.D.  For example, yesterday the I.D. read, "Bernick's" which is a Pepsi distributor in town. I answered anyways, knowing it was probably fake, which it was.  (It used to always say "Caller Unknown" on the caller I.D. slot.)

Automated woman's voice: "THIS IS AN IMPORTANT CALL. WE'VE TRIED SEVERAL TIMES TO REACH YOU TO LET YOU KNOW THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE TO LOWER YOUR CREDIT CARD RATE." There were a few more words and the instruction to enter "one" if I wanted to take advantage of this opportunity.

As soon as I hung up I wondered if a Real Person would have been on the line had I pressed "one."

In the next instant, a line from a Dylan song came to mind. (As any Dylan fan knows, there are lines and lyrics for every sitch and this triggered a few.)

So I crafted  a script which I  am now keeping by the phone so that if I am able to get through to a real person, I can take control of the conversation. The important part is to be loud and cheerful and to maintain control of the conversation as you play it out. I share it here so you can use it, too, for these unwanted calls. Please let me know if it works.

SCRIPT FOR RESPONDING TO TELEPHONE SALES CALLS

(For use when you get a human being on the line.)

Congratulations on being my tenth caller. If you can answer these three Bob Dylan Trivia Questions you will win a prize. Who am I speaking with today?

OK, thank you, Jack. I have you on speaker phone so our live audience can hear you.

First: Which Bob Dylan Song begins with the words, “You’ve got a lot of nerve”?

I’m sorry, Jack, the answer was Positively Fourth Street.

Second: What song contains the following pointed lines: “I hope that you die, and your death will come soon.”

Again I’m sorry, Jack, that was from Dylan’s classic Masters of War. Great line, eh?

Finally, here is your last question and a chance to win bigly in the bonus round: These lyrics can be found in what song on Bob Dylan's album Shot of Love?

"Ooh, I can't stand it, I can't stand it, what are you tryin' to prove?"

Need to call a friend, Jack? Do it. Just stop calling me and my friends.

* * * *

FOR TIPS ON HOW TO STOP UNWANTED ROBOCALLS

JUST ASK GOOGLE.

The End