My Dad Called Me Stupid In Front of My Friends and I Wasn't Scarred for Life

The event took place in the evening of a lovely summer day. Mr. McAvoy was driving a carload of boys home from a Little League game in his gold convertible with the top down. This was the 60's and no one had seatbelts. Some of us were seated across the top of the back seat with our team T-shirts and hats. I was one of these, on the driver's side, the lazy breeze whooshing across our faces. 

I can still picture my dad in the middle of the Christianson's front lawn, arms folded, feet planted shoulder width as he chatted with the neighbors. Off to the right of the driveway Robin Christianson, a girl I liked, looking our way with a couple of friends. 

As the car slowed to make a right hand turn onto Cambridge Lane, I noticed the speedometer slow to about ten miles per hour. Somehow I got it into my head that if I leapt from the car and started moving my legs I could actually hit the ground running and run right up to Robin and her friends. 

Wrong.

I will mention here that though the road was paved with asphalt there was also a lot of large limestone gravel scattered in the gutter area of the road bed. As my body slammed into the pavement, the limestone tore my finger and gouged my forearm. Stunned, it seemed that everything was silent for a second. Time had stopped, as did Mr. McAvoy's car. 

It was then that I heard my dad's voice thunder through the air as he came running across the yard: "You stupid!"

I didn't feel any pain in my body at that moment as he lifted me up and began walking me across the street to our house. We went into the family room bathroom and he cleaned my wounds, but the humiliation was harder to clean. 

He was right, of course. Eventually, years later, I recognized that I needed to forgive him for making me feel small in front of my friends. And I did. 

For the record, if you ever feel tempted to leap from a moving car, don't. Generally it only works in the movies. I got lucky. Some people get killed.

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I have written about this story before in a blog post about the Darwin Awards. If interested, you can read that here.

In passing I mention the story here as well: Seven Quotes About Stupidity

ALTERNATE TITLE: My Dad Called Me Stupid in Front of My Friends and I Lived to Tell About It.

Seven Quotes About Stupidity and a Few Examples

Yes, I have done some stupid things 
in my life. How 'bout you?

The annual Darwin Awards were initiated in 1993. The idea of the awards has been a way to spotlight examples of behavior that eliminates stupidity from the gene pool. The most spectacular examples are given Darwin Award recognition. The stories would be humorous if they weren't real. 

We've probably all done many stupid things in our lives. I know that I have. For example, I once jumped out of a moving car thinking I would impress the girl across the street. No one was impressed. Fortunately, my stupidities haven't cost me my life.

The trigger for this blog post was having recently heard the song "Something Stupid" which was a hit in the Sixties, sung as a duet by Frank Sinatra and his daughter Nancy. I was in high school and didn't really didn't "get" the meaning of the song til l I was a little further down the road.

I know we're not supposed to call other people stupid. There's a difference between being stupid and doing something stupid. People don't need lifelong labels for momentary lapses of good judgment. As I already stated, I have done my share of stupid things, and it didn't end with that jump from a convertible coming home from a Little League game.

Here are a few quotes about stupidness. Some are a little mean. Others insightful. 

Think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize half of them are stupider than that. 
— George Carlin

Life is hard. It’s a whole lot harder if you’re stupid. 
— George V. Higgins

Men are born ignorant, not stupid; they are made stupid by education. 
— Bertrand Russell

Only two things are infinite; the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former. 
— mis-attributed to Albert Einstein

Against stupidity the gods themselves contend in vain.
 — Friedrich Schiller

“Remember, when you are dead, you do not know you are dead. It is only painful for others. The same applies when you are stupid.” 
— Ricky Gervais.

“Stupid is as stupid does.” 
— Forrest Gump

* * * 

The Darwin Awards folk tell their grim tales in a light-hearted manner. The lessons are serious, of course. Here are a few links, if you're interested.

Double Darwin Award! Sports Training

Soaked to the Bone in Yellowstone

Smokin' Hot Sauce!  

One Way Ticket

The last two above seem to show what happens when you underestimate how explosive gasoline can be. 

Mind the Cone Zone

Low Flying Drunks 

This last one has a few real life lessons for each of us. First off, beer may not always make you stupid, but drinking and stupidity do quite frequently accompany one another. Also, it's good to be aware of what you don't know. A lot of our confidence is simply a lack of awareness regarding the risks of some behaviors. Alas.

Related Link

It Happened One Night

11 Things You May Not Know About Me

Throwback Thursday: My First Attempt At Standup Comedy.

"Just ask me and I'll show you the scars" ~ Bob Dylan

This piece was written and posted in July 2010...

So I did a short stand up routine last night at the Dubh Linn, an Irish Pub here in downtown Duluth. It was "open mic" night, which they do every other Monday I guess. I've been scribbling ideas for comedic material the past month since getting bit by the bug. My goal was to assemble a modest routine and take a stab at it in January. But hey, things don't always go as planned. When I walked into the room, the MC asked if I were going to perform. It seemed like I was the only one there who wasn't, so I caved in. That's how peer pressure works.

Sometimes when you have insomnia your mind travels down rather amusing tributaries. One night, while doing a little mental rambling, I began cultivating humorous anecdotes about my various scars. I figured that if I talked about my scars it would be enough material to fill a routine.

My real aim was just to see what it was like standing on the stage with a bright light in your face. It's a little different than your living room. More like an interrogation scene at a 1950's cop station.

I began with that very painful scar which I received on my heart when my father called me stupid in front of the whole neighborhood. Actually, I introduced this story by talking about the Darwin Awards, which are famously given to people who do really dumb things and eliminate themselves from the gene pool. Well, in listening to an audio book about the fourth annual Darwin Awards, the very first story is about a guy who jumped out of a moving car.

Whoa. Now, you probably think that's stupid. He was killed, and it was certainly a dumb thing to do. But when I did it, and I was twelve at the time, jumping out of a convertible on the way home from a Little League game, when I did it, it sure didn't seem that stupid to me at the time. I just thought I would hop right out and trot up onto the yard and say hello to the girl I liked and I would be very cool. To my surprise, I slammed into the asphalt like a wet noodle being whipped against a table. Except there were these large limestone rocks and gravel there, which made the experience a tad less palatable. It was at this point that my father came running across the yard shouting, "You stupid!" Followed by a less shrill, "You could have been killed."

About forty-five years later, I'm ready to acknowledge that sometimes dads are right. Duh.

It took me quite a while to get over that emotional hurt. Needless to say, I don't think Robin was as impressed as I'd hoped she would be.

As for the rest of my scars, or rather, my routine... Well, according to the limited feedback I received I have to shorten my setups. I could also probably use some punch lines. Some funny material would help a little, too.

We'll keep you posted.

* * * *

Do you have a funny story you'd like to share? What's the stupidest thing you've ever done that you're willing to talk about? If you're reading this, I'm happy that it didn't kill you.

Meantime... life goes on.