It's a Sad, Sad, Sad, Sad World

Years ago I watched a program in which they showed how the use of selective camerawork can create sympathy for the protesters or for the police. First, the cameras showed footage  of police cracking heads, striking protesters with clubs during a riot. You saw people being hurt by the clubs and being sprayed with mace. The voiceover of a newscaster was describing the scene with clear empathy for the wounded.

Next, they showed an alternate camera angle, police being hit by rocks thrown by protesters, police being taunted and threatened, an officer struck in the head by a brick and going down. The voiceover by this talking head tells a story of mayhem and lawlessness, and how the mob is out of control.

NEXT, they show the same scenes, but filmed from another angle further back, and all the action you saw in the first and second accounts was visible from the longer shot. In this manner we saw how easy it was to tell different stories of the same event and thereby manipulate viewers. (Hence, one of the seeds for my essay He Who Controls the Narrative Controls the People.)

I saw that film 40 years ago and have never forgotten it. I also saw these kinds of scenes during the MayDay protest of 1971, which I experienced first hand. (The police brutality was extensive and of a far greater in scale, but I also saw protesters jumping on officers' backs, ripping tear gas masks off, and over isolated violence directed toward cops.) It should be apparent that the reality of these events is being mediated to us. And it's relatively easy to manipulate viewers. By selective focus, we're coerced into drawing conclusions without hearing or seeing all the facts. 

The George Floyd riots/protests produced a whole gamut of feelings that many people were unaccustomed to, from being angry to sad to afraid, sometimes all simultaneously. Here are some of the headlines and stories I observed at that time.

7-Sigma, manufacturer burned in riots, will leave Minneapolis
by Mark Reilly, Mnpls/St. Paul Business Journal
(EdNote: This was probably a story being played out in many bigger cities across the country.)

Column: Will anyone take a knee for retired police Capt. David Dorn?
by John Kass for the Chicago Tribune

New York Times Journalists Scared To Have an Op-Ed Page
by Matt Welch for Reason

From Twitter user eswalker
But the many people not on twitter, they have no idea! Multiple people I've talked to who only occasionally watch MSM had almost NO IDEA about the extensive, widespread looting and property damage. They truly thought just about the George Floyd peaceful protest...

Minneapolis City Council members consider disbanding the police
by Hannah Jones for City Pages

4 St. Louis police officers shot during violent protests downtown
Local CBS News story

Why Target Stores Were "Targeted"
by Missy Crane

Missouri attorney general says Soros-backed St. Louis prosecutor released all George Floyd protesters from jail
by Andrew Mark Miller

Black Firefighter Spent His Life Savings To Open A Bar. Then Minneapolis Looters Burned It Down
by Andrew Kerr for The Daily Caller

According to Larry Elder:
"How many unarmed blacks were killed by cops last year? 9. How many unarmed whites were killed by cops last year? 19. More officers are killed every year than are unarmed blacks. When do the #BlueLivesMatter protests begin?"

* * * *

Lawyer throws Molotov Cocktail into a police car. Blames mayor for not holding back the police. The mayor should have known that the police would get hurt if they tried to stop rioters. Definitely not  a Perry Mason. "Violence against cops was understandable."

Looters In New York City Get Released as Soon as Arrested. Return to streets to loot again.

NYTimes: Shattered Glass in SoHo as Looters Ransack Lower Manhattan

NYPD: 1 Officer Stabbed In Neck, 2 Others Shot In Brooklyn; All Expected To Survive

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Retraction Watch: Keeping the Science Trustworthy by Tracking Retractions

Photo National Cancer Institute on Unsplash

"Whoever is careless with truth in small matters cannot be trusted in important affairs."
--Albert Einstein

How many times do you see or hear stories in the news referencing "new findings" regarding this health matter, that climate issue or some other "significant" breakthrough? New results from new studies seem to be an almost daily occurrence in our contemporary culture which has now made science more authoritative than the sacred texts that have been a guide for countless millions through the centuries. 

Today's new authorities are the scientific journals that publish findings or results from new research for the purpose of peer review. Getting published in journals gives research a patina of authority. News media then lauds these papers as reliable, as research that has been sifted and proven. As a result, scientific journals offer us a new canon of purportedly trustworthy information. Except when it isn't.

Sure, we're all aware that there have been occasional mistakes, or even hoaxes, that get published from time to time. Sometimes these even make the news. More often than not, however, new research findings are proclaimed loudly while retractions take place quietly, primarily because they are embarrassing.

This is where Retraction Watch (RW) comes in. RW tracks retractions  and offers the public an opportunity to see the scientific process at work. The RW team, an independent agency beholden to no one, shares the work they are doing so that we, who lack the tools, can see patterns and learn more about the reliability of  information we read about in the news.

Although retractions are nothing new, the problem of unreliable research is greater than ever. According to a podcast in The Guardian, a  record 10,000 research papers were retracted in 2023.

It was the rise misinformation in scientific journal that prompted Ivan Oransky and Adam Marcus to start their Retraction Watch blog.  

It's understandable that publishers would be embarrassed to discover they goofed when they announced something unreliable or off-the-wall. On the other hand, when newsmaking research gets widely disseminated, or widely cited in other journal articles, someone needs to speak out and shine on a spotlight on those occasions when the king has no clothes on.

In the realm of investing, it's called due diligence. Unfortunately, most of us lack access to the myriad journals whose contents influence the influencers. We just hear it in the news.

For those interested, the RW team not only has a Retraction Watch blog, they also produce a daily Retraction Watch eNewsletter. If you're unfamiliar with the important work they've been sharing, I encourage you to check it out. 

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Flashback Friday: A 2009 Conversation with Twin Ports Writer/Editor/Publisher Ron Brochu

This is an interview I posted in 2009. While re-reading it recently it became apparent that the content here remains relevant, especially for the local writing and publishing scene. Ron is one of many local writers/publishers for whom I have high regard.

I'm still not sure how our paths first crossed, but it was our writing vocations for sure. What I do recall is that Ron Brochu was a journalist serious about his craft. Over the years we have met from time to time to compare notes on the writing life.

I'd like to imagine that all writers are like me, they respect anyone who writes and keeps writing even when it all feels so futile at times. Are we filling the world with too many words? Well, there are stories that still need to be told. And many that bear repeating to a new audience.

The original title for this blog entry was going to be "Journalism in the Internet Age and Other Adventures" because Ron has been in a perfect position to see the Internet's raw power as it has run roughshod over the newspaper industry. Take a minute and listen up.

EN: Can you briefly outline your career path as a writer?

Ron Brochu: It began at Denfeld High School and continued at UMD, where I became business manager, then entertainment editor and editor-in-chief at the campus newspaper.

I lived in Minneapolis after graduation, freelancing for the Southside Newspaper, then in 1978 took a trade magazine editing job at the former Harcourt Brace Jovanovich. During that time, I also freelanced for the Milwaukee Sentinel, Hermantown Star and Duluth Budgeteer. Using those bylines, I landed a part time reporting/photography job at the Superior Evening Telegram in 1984, where I eventually covered government and was assistant managing editor. Wayne Nelson recruited me to BusinessNorth in 1995, where I worked as managing editor but also learned pagination, graphics and a host of business software skills. Two years later, I moved to the Budgeteer News, where Murphy McGinnis Media moved us to a twice weekly, with dreams of becoming a daily. It became clear we lacked the resources to make that move, so I joined the competition when the Duluth News Tribune opened a Superior bureau in 1999. Worked there as a business writer for about two years, then moved to Duluth, where I covered education for a year before becoming city editor in charge of business, labor, health and environment reporters.

In 2005, the DNT sent me to the Telegram, which Knight Ridder had purchased two years earlier. My mission was to retrain and coach the newsroom staff until a permanent editor could be hired. I soon became that editor and remained in Superior until July 2008, when I was canned for exercising my right to free speech in a private e-mail to my bosses.

EN: Getting published is not that challenging for any determined writer producing sufficiently professional work. Getting paid for one’s writing seems a little more problematic. Why is this? Is it a supply and demand issue or something else?

RB: I think it’s more of a problem in Duluth than elsewhere. Compensation here is very low, likely because there are too many publications and they’re all strapped for cash.

As an HBJ editor, I was paying $250-$400 for trade magazine feature articles in 1978, and the Milwaukee Sentinel was paying me about $75 for features. At the same time, the Budgeteer was paying me $10 for each city council story. It hasn’t improved much since then. Last year, I was paying Telegram contributors anywhere from nothing to $50 for weekly columns – whatever they’d take. Contributors to the annual marketing supplement were getting up to $100 for feature stories, which still isn’t much.

EN: This (the overall economy) is just a very weak market. How has the publishing scene changed since the advent of the Internet?

RB: Print news publications have lost considerable advertising revenue. They’ve reacted by cutting staff and content, hurting their circulation revenue. Although many have developed a Web presence, few have developed innovative new products that generate sales comparable to advertising revenue. Newcomers have outsmarted print publishers on every front. A few examples include eBay, Craig’s List and Amazon.com. By having customers input orders, these web marketers have drastically reduced the cost of sales. Print publications, particularly newspapers, are strangled by high overhead.

Until they shed expensive labor and equipment costs, print will continue to struggle. The inexpensive Internet model is both a blessing and a curse. Although costs are virtually nonexistent, any idiot can launch a web page and pass off nonsense as truth. It’s extremely difficult to differentiate legitimate Internet journalism from rants and opinion.

EN: Sixties writers like Truman Capote and Tom Wolfe used fictional techniques to write about non-fiction themes. I remember a quote by Wolfe that the novel was dead due to reader interest in “reality” and “news.” He later wrote novels like Bonfire of the Vanities, and today bestseller novels continue to rake in millions. Do you think fiction will ever become obsolete?

RB: No. Even though truth can be stranger than fiction, it doesn’t flow as well. A good writer can always weave bits and pieces of truth into fiction that’s far more interesting. That’s not to say novels won’t go electronic, but they’ll definitely continue to exist.

EN: I spent a half hour trying to hook up my new HDTV box to a television set last night, and failed. Isn’t this move to digital television the craziest thing yet? Anything you’d like to add to what you have already written? What kind of feedback did you get to your story in the Reader.  

RB: For whatever reason, I don’t get much feedback to my Reader stories. The advantages of digital are overblown, in my opinion, at least for audio. I’m not a fan of unintelligible phone conversations, answering machines, MP3 recordings. We’re saving spectrum by cutting quality, then using the excess spectrum to broadcast more dumb sitcoms and even dumber reality shows. To me, the net gain is less than zero.

EN: As a former newspaper editor, what are the most shocking things you have seen that no one is talking about today?

RB: Governmental incompetence and waste top my personal list. Most of today’s reporters simply cover meetings and don’t take risks. For instance, they don’t dig into the early retirement benefit costs for police officers and firefighters. They haven’t revealed that Gary Doty has free lifetime medical benefits, even though they’re aware of it. They don’t write about the source of campaign contributions to Rep. Jim Oberstar or Rep. Dave Obey, and links between contributors and votes. In essence, they’re afraid to tackle beloved people and institutions. They’re as phony and incompetent as those they write about.
 

Another Media Trick To Watch and a Word to the Wise

How many issues can you name where everyone is in agreement? Nearly everything that matters has proponents and opponents. Argument is as American as pumpkin pie.

While flipping through headlines the other I saw this one: Push to oust judge over absentee vote ruling sparks outcry

It's really a perfect setup for a fight, isn't it? If you're a journalist on a slow news day all you need to pick any issue or action by a public official and add the words, sparks an outcry or creates an uproar or incites a furor.

Nearly anything can be turned into an argument. Check out this headline: Tom Brady called 'Racist' for winning Super Bowl during Black History Month. Who could have predicted that headline? It's almost as if the media's primary purpose is no longer to inform but to make people angry. 

* * * 

Here's an article that encourages writers to find ways to create controversy, or build on it, in order to corral eyeballs, get more readers. She begins by stating:

Many people want to avoid controversy, but "smart Publicity Hounds know controversy commands attention. And they use it a variety of ways to claim their time in the spotlight."

Make people angry. That's how you get readers. Carry that notion over into television and the film industry, and you have precisely what is going on today. 

Marshall McLuhan observed this more than 60 years ago. "The young today cannot follow narrative but they are alert to drama. They cannot bear description but they love landscape and action."

and...

Nobody can doubt that the entire range of applied science contributes to the very format of a newspaper. But the headline is a feature which began with the Napoleonic Wars. The headline is a primitive shout of rage, triumph, fear, or warning, and newspapers have thrived on wars ever since.

* * * 

Journalists on both Left and Right use the tactic. My hope is that we become more discerning as readers and consumers of media. 

The root of "discernment" is Discern. Discern means to perceive, find out, detect. We're to be alert detectives looking for clues as to why this story has been told and the spin has been put on it. 

The origin of the word conveys the meaning "distinguish (between) separate" things. Beneath that is the Latin discernere -- "to separate, set apart, divide, distinguish, sift."

In other words, separate gold from muck like a miner with his pan. Or separate fake news from real. Or recognize when we are being manipulated vs. being assisted. (Yes, news can be informative.)

 * * * 

There are a gazillion things happening at any moment in time. When the media became our conduit through which we learn about the happenings in the world it also appointed itself as divine arbiter to dictate to us what we should be paying attention to, and how to interpret it.

As media consumers we need to get better at discerning the spin, differentiating between information and manipulation.

Use discernment. Don't just mindlessly accept what you see and hear. 

* * * 

Related Link

He Who Controls the Narrative Controls the People

Blues Cruise and Other News

Omelette containing Tiki brat, mushrooms and onion, accompanied by
grape tomatoes, pickled carrot slices and whole grain toast.

The top story in our local Sunday paper is about a couple from our region who went on a cruise a couple days before all the borders were slammed shut. It was a holiday at sea that turned out to be no picnic. Story here. If you are able to open it, my apologies.

It brings to mind the Gabriel Garcia Marquez story Love in Time of Cholera. It's a love story about in which two young people's initial infatuation does not unfold the way our young hero anticipates or desires. Thus, Florentino must wait a lifetime to possess the object of his desire, because Fermina Daza has married a doctor and lost interest in the waves of time that have receded behind her.

The title of the book [SPOILER ALERT] comes from the climax in which the two are finally united aboard a sailing vessel displaying the warning flag indicating contagion on board. They decide to share their love in this floating paradise for ever.

My interest in Marquez stemmed from having seen his name on a list of authors influenced by Jorge Luis Borges, whose magical realism influenced a host of authors including Umberto Eco, Carlos Fuentes, Italo Calvino an myself.  A Colombian author of both fiction and non-fiction works, Marquez received a Nobel Prize "for his novels and short stories, in which the fantastic and the realistic are combined in a richly composed world of imagination, reflecting a continent's life and conflicts."

Another of his best known works is 100 Years of Solitude, a multigenerational novel on the order of Thomas Mann's Buddenbrooks.

In addition to novels, Marquez also wrote short stories and non-fiction works. Because of his significance, I acquired and read his News of a Kidnapping, a journalistic recounting of the kidnapping, imprisonment, and eventual release of a handful of prominent figures in Colombia in the early 1990s. (Picture Dan Rather or Ted Koppel being kidnapped.) My interest, in part, was peaked by the mysteries surrounding Pablo Escobar and the Medellín Cartel. I found it a compelling read at the time, bringing to mind a number of other stories, and the Johnny Depp film Blow.

* * * *
In other news.... from the FWIW Dept.

WHO Deletes Misleading Tweet That Spread Paranoia About COVID-19 Reinfection

Michigan Gov. Rolls Back Some of State's More Insane Coronavirus Restrictions

The Lamp of Liberty

Keep in mind that worrying diminishes the strength of our immune systems. Gratitude strengthens it. Relax. And have a safe week.  

Thursday Mashup: Ideas Worth Chewing On

"His story is an odd one. It’ll be worth telling one day."--Winesburg, Ohio

Stories of Note for 7 March 2019

On March 5 in 1616, the book De Revolutoinibus Orbium Coelestium (On the Revolutions of the Celestial Spheres) was banned by the Catholic Church.

Written by Nicolaus Copernicus in 1543, the book revealed a theory that we now know to be true: that the Earth revolves around the Sun.

Copernicus postulated that the Sun was the center of the universe — a theory that directly challenged the religious philosophy that man was the center of all creation.

(Today, we know that both of these claims are false. Neither the Earth nor the Sun is the center of the universe… but the Earth does revolve around the Sun.)
--The above originally opened a story on The Mission eNewsletter Tuesday

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Arts Sector Contributed $763.6 Billion to U.S. Economy—More Than Agriculture or Transportation, New Data Shows
Most people are unaware of the economic impact of the arts. Isaac Kaplan's article offers up stats that will surprise you.

* * * *
The Ad Contrarian Bob Hoffman zeroes in on the deceptive way online advertisers gain support for violating our privacy. The piece is title More Elephant Advertising. He can be pretty scathing at times, but his straightforwardness is refreshing. He does not pull punches.

* * * *

This AEON article about Maslow's Hierarchy is interesting. 
It's titled Do you have a self-actualised personality? Maslow revisited

The first paragraph reminds readers of Maslow's "needs hierarchy" and then digs into what contemporary psychology has to say on the matter of self-actualization. Despite being short on actual data for his theories, Maslow was amazingly perceptive.

* * * *

My story about clickbait got published in The Writing Cooperative. Read it here:

Personally I Find Clickbait Headlines More Than Just A Little Annoying

Here are 7 examples (And I especially hate #3)

 * * * * 
Probably the scariest story here today:
Nebraska county owes $28M for wrongful convictions

No DNA tests, covered up testimony, and forced confessions. 

The taxpayers will pay the damages.

Here's the story: Six people were arrested and wrongly convicted for the rape and murder of a Nebraska woman. After serving a combined 75 year behind bars it was learned through DNA evidence that they were innocent and had been railroaded in an effort to get the case resolved. Once proven innocent they sued Gage County and won a settlement of $28 million. The Supreme Court refused to overturn the decision and now the county must pay up.

The lawsuit alleged that law enforcement officials recklessly strove to close the case despite contradictory evidence and coerced false confessions. The three people who gave false confessions all had histories of psychological problems. One of the six, Joseph White, died in a workplace accident in Alabama in 2011.

* * * *
Meantime, life goes on... all around you.

Up-to-the-Minute

"Today we are continually barraged with the latest news and up-to-the-minute instant coverage of events so that we can practically participate as spectators to holocausts and disasters wherever they occur, as they happen. Not long ago I heard there was even an hourly newspaper for people who needed the absolutely latest details on the timely matters of business and government."

The idea of an hourly newspaper seemed almost comical to me in 1993 when I wrote the above words in a short piece titled, "Up to the Minute." Today, with Twitter, we not only get hourly news, we have moment-by-moment thoughts, observations and impressions from around the world, on every topic imaginable, from disappearing passenger jets to Dubai kidnappings.

Tinseltown gossip rags have been dispensing the latest dirt from magazine racks and grocery store check-out lanes forever, but today bloggers and others are providing competition with instant news of celebrity sightings, happenings and delicious malfeasance. Readers swoop in and learn who did what and with whom. Sizzling sightings of Justin Bieber, the latest celebrity sex tape, a salacious new story about Hannah and Hillary, the stolen and recovered photos of Angelina, or J-Lo, or Hank.... that break-in at Julia Roberts' pad, Brad's latest photo shoot, whatever. If you're into this sort of thing, here's a Forbes article on the current Most Popular Celebrity Gossip Sites.

Then there's the Washington scene. Yes, The Hill has its own network of gossip action. Who betrayed whom, what really happened on the White House lawn last night, what's the current mood on Obamacare and why it matters, etc. Who's moving up? Who's going down? And where's Waldo?

The Washington scene doesn't really need rags like the Enquirer. It has talk radio, Politico, the Drudge Report, CNN, MSNBC and it's own battery of blogs and websites that serve up the manifold perspectives of our immense media industry.

Evidently there is an appetite for all this up-to-the-minute blather or the public wouldn't tune in to it and businesses wouldn't be supporting all that media infrastructure with advertising dollars.

By way of contrast, I often think about C.S. Lewis with regard to these matters. Lewis claimed that he never read the newspapers because the things that really mattered you only learned six months later. Yes, celebrities make headlines, but the really important people and events often do not.

All too often what passes for news is a massive manipulation and the re-shaping of our perceptions of reality.

Summing Up

This is not to say that staying current with what's happening has no value. For example, when there’s a major snowstorm about to land on your doorstep, or a tornado zigging and zagging in your vicinity, finding out about it six months from now is not going to be very helpful. If tickets are about to go on sale for a sure-to-be-sold-out concert, it’s better to find out sooner than later, if you aim to get seats.

So it is that I strive for a balance between timeless and timely blog content here. Announcements about upcoming art openings fall into the category of relevance in the now. My interviews with artists and others here aim for a more timeless aspect. For the most part whatever the topic it's my hope to feed you something to think about, to give you a takeaway.

In either event, thank you for dropping by. Make the most of your weekend. And make a difference wherever you are.

The Scoop Factory

In the Sixties Andy Warhol grabbed up an abandoned low-rent space in midtown Manhattan and transformed it into a leading influence in the New York art and culture Scene. A hangout, a studio, a cultural center and the ultimate 24/7 unreality show, Warhol’s world was known as The Factory. Famous for his fifteen-minutes-of-fame witticism, he was an astute observer of pop culture and built an empire on the idea of celebrity. His studio was also a silkscreen production facility which was likewise a factory. This unending output of product put Warhol on the map.

Fast forward. I don’t really know if this is what The New Republic and Gabriel Sherman had in the back of their minds by calling their analysis of Politico.com The Scoop Factory. For sure, there are parallels. And like Warhol's Factory scene, some people are raving about it and other despise it.

If you’re not familiar with Politico.com, you might want to check it out. It's become the hottest thing in online D.C. Inside-the-Beltway news coverage. Like Warhol’s Factory in the Big Apple, Politico is influential. And like Warhol’s factory, Politico excels at cranking out product. And finally, like the people in Warhol’s world, celebritydom is also part of the chic mystique.

In reading Sherman’s piece I can't help but wonder how legitimate his concerns are. How serious are the issues Sherman raises?

The key to Politico’s success is speed. In the Washington scoop game, first is always best, as long as it is accurate. The unfortunate thing for daily newspapers is that today’s late news has to wait for tomorrow to find its way to print. At Politico, the news breaks as fast as the journalists can break it.

Sherman details how a story on Politico gets fed into the food chain so as to be propelled to the widest sweep of viewers and listeners, making use of the Huffington Post, Rush Limbaugh and other megaphones to give the stories credence and hopefully enough relevance to bring them into the evening news. One of his concerns is that stories can get reported before they have been adequately analyzed, which I'm sure happens. But doesn't a journalist who repeatedly breaks news that is ultimately unfounded lose his or her cred?

Sherman’s second concern seems to me a canard. He laments the burnout pace Politico’s reporters operate on, as if they are forced into intolerable work conditions for a measly quarter-million dollars. Along with the perks of fortune they also have instant cred for their careers, widespread recognition and a perpetual soapbox. And we’re supposed to feel sorry for these writers? These are not galley slaves who have been abducted into the service of an ignoble captain in exchange for gruel and a rat infested life below deck in a stench filled hole.

When I was starting out as a freelance writer, the first job I was able to land was for an 80 hour work week that paid $180 a week. Below minimum wage. But eventually I would learn how to do the work faster, I was told. I declined the offer.

As I noted Sunday, the power of the newspapers has taken a hit. Politico.com may be untested for the long haul, but its made a mark. Like Facebook and Twitter, who today can honestly say what it will morph into tomorrow.

EdNote: The painting of the ice cream cone at top is not my own work, but a photo I took in a San Francisco art gallery in the spring of 2007. It is used without permission, though if someone locates the artist, I will inquire and give credit where it is due.

Snickers Story Has Unexpected Twist

“Detectives used a partially eaten Snickers found at the Cato Pet Hospital in west Jonesboro to track down the suspect in its January 2007 burglary. Police sent the nougat-filled chocolate bar to the state Crime Laboratory, where medical examiners obtained DNA, Jonesboro detective Jason Simpkins said.” ~ Kenneth Heard, Arkansas Democrat Gazette

Did anyone see this news story about a guy who was implicated in a burglary because he left his DNA on a half eaten Snickers bar? Police said that DNA from the Snickers bar on the counter at the scene of the crime helped them zero in on the suspect, Brian Bass.

Here’s the rest of the story. It turns out that the Roscoe & Hermann Agency, a PR firm from New Jersey, set the guy up. Bass was apparently unaware that he’d become part of a clandestine marketing scheme. Barry Adams, a mid-level manager at the firm, told Bass that the company would get him off within sixty days. The marketing plan was nixed in the Snickers board room after legal review, but no one notified Adams or Bass.

Bass’ actions were intended to be part of a branding event designed to get the Snickers brand name into headlines across the country. According to unnamed sources, more than eighty burglaries had been slated for the same weekend, with Snickers bars to be inadvertently left at the scene of each crime. The underlying message to criminals: “Guys, this is the candy bar that bad guys eat.”

The plan appeared to include major rollouts of Snickers inventories to prison vending machines around the country. Right before the story broke, prisons in all fifty states had become buried in pallet loads of Snickers products.

When the Bass story broke, requests from inmates for Snickers candy bars became a trickle and then a flood. Because Snickers distribution pipelines were apparently in place before the news story hit the wires, several legislators have lobbied the FTC for a deeper investigation.

Kudos to Snickers for identifying this untapped market. The marketing plan is a bit nutty, but sweet.

Floridians Alarmed By Growing Eggplant Violence

A battle has been raging in recent years between environmentalists and government leaders here in Florida regarding the rapidly increasing number of eggplant assaults. Yesterday’s death of a woman boater has officials under pressure to take action regarding the matter. The woman was killed by a head trauma after colliding with a flying eggplant off the coast of West Palm Beach.

Dr. Eldon Hoffman, an environmental advocate who has taken up the cause, insists the incident was accidental and that the flying eggplant struck the woman without malice. “It was simply a matter of wrong place, wrong time,” Hoffman stated. “The eggplant is an extremely gentle vegetable. Up until the past few years there have been very few instances where an eggplant will assault a human.”

Allison Nichols was riding in a boat at approximately 50 miles per hour when the flying eggplant struck her on the side of the head. The force of the impact killed her instantly.

Although media reports of such encounters appear to be rare, numerous phone calls to Florida news rooms indicate that eggplant attacks on humans have been rising significantly. Statistics reveal that in the ten years preceding 2000, there were approximately 1.4 eggplant assaults reported per year in Dade County. In 2007 there were 47 assaults reported in Dade and more than sixty in the communities surrounding Tampa Bay. This was the first known death caused by an eggplant.

Hoffman insists that more research should be undertaken to determine why Florida eggplants are going bad. Hoffman is currently lobbying the legislature for funding to determine the cause of this outbreak of violence in recent years. “The media is as much to blame as anyone,” said Hoffman. “They downplay the problem because they do not want to adversely affect tourism. If there were more stories on the situation, we could raise awareness and help fund the necessary research.”

Critics say Hoffman is going too far in his defense of the purple vegetable.

Hoffman, whose hobby farm outside Orlando includes eggplants, couch potatoes and a menagerie of small rodents, has long been considered a kook by his neighbors.

PHOTO CAPTION: Eggplant nesting on roof of a home near Sun City.