"The death of a beloved is an amputation."--C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed
Stress during the holidays comes in many forms. Expectations, activities and last minute shopping all contribute. There are additional stresses for divorced couples with children who must deal with conflicting schedules and efforts to max out quality time with grandparents. This even gets more complicated when divorced couples re-marry and there are four sets of grandparents involved.
This morning I wanted to write about another kind of stressor. It has to do with the challenge of the holidays when we are experiencing the loss of a loved one. Whether a parent, spouse or child (and we should never have to bury our children) if the loss has been within the current year then this is the first Thanksgiving and the first Christmas without that important person in our lives. There's an empty chair at the table, a tangible reminder of your loss.
Over the course of a lifetime I've heard many painful stories. A father's suicide, a husband's suicide, a wife's life cut short by cancer, a son killed in a skiing accident. Even when you are emotionally healthy and strong, the holidays can open wounds and show that our internal healing is not yet complete.
Grieving the loss of a loved one is always hard but especially so during the holidays when you experience that first Thanksgiving without Joe or that first Christmas without Janet.
One reason the pain is exacerbated is that in your heart you know the holidays are supposed to be a time of cheer, of celebration, a time to make memories for your children or share them with that other significant person in your life. As a result, when you try to hide your pain it only leaves you more alienated, walled off and hollowed out. When everyone us is celebrating and we're inwardly struggling to maintain it can be hard.
Grief is one of those inexplicable phenomena that is different for everyone. It is a mistake to think something is wrong with you for still carrying this burden. We all process grief differently. Some things just take more time.
*
On numerous occasions over the years I've shared my brother's insights on handling stress during the holidays. My brother is a psychologist who writes about finding balance when dealing with anxiety, stress, anger, etc. In 2017 he produced a guest post on seeking balance when experiencing grief which I believe can be useful.
Sometimes we need to go further than write in a journal or unburden ourselves with a confidant. Sometimes we may need a professional counsellor whom we can talk with. Earlier this fall I learned about an online consortium of of therapists called TalkSpace. who provide assistance in this area, whether for you or a loved one you care about.
I never grew up Catholic, but upon reflection I can imagine the possibility that there could be something therapeutic in having a space where one can go to unburden oneself in an atmosphere of trust, where one's confidences will not be violated. This is what a doctor-patient relationship is about, enabling us to get help probing things that maybe we have a hard time facing alone.
I have no experience with TalkSpace myself. Here is a link to a testimony that was shared at Business Insider.
One way we can all reduce stress a little is to plan ahead and get our holiday shopping finished early this year.
Related Links
A comparison of two alternative online therapy processes.
Healing the Hurting Through Music
10 Classical Favorites That Can Lift You Higher
Disclaimer: This blog occasionally accepts forms of compensation for writing about certain topics. In all cases it is my intention to provide honest opinions, findings, beliefs, or experiences on those topics, events, or products. The views and opinions expressed here are my own. The references to TalkSpace are "sponsored content" but I would not write about them if I were aware of any red flags.
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| Illustration by the author. |
This morning I wanted to write about another kind of stressor. It has to do with the challenge of the holidays when we are experiencing the loss of a loved one. Whether a parent, spouse or child (and we should never have to bury our children) if the loss has been within the current year then this is the first Thanksgiving and the first Christmas without that important person in our lives. There's an empty chair at the table, a tangible reminder of your loss.
Over the course of a lifetime I've heard many painful stories. A father's suicide, a husband's suicide, a wife's life cut short by cancer, a son killed in a skiing accident. Even when you are emotionally healthy and strong, the holidays can open wounds and show that our internal healing is not yet complete.
Grieving the loss of a loved one is always hard but especially so during the holidays when you experience that first Thanksgiving without Joe or that first Christmas without Janet.
One reason the pain is exacerbated is that in your heart you know the holidays are supposed to be a time of cheer, of celebration, a time to make memories for your children or share them with that other significant person in your life. As a result, when you try to hide your pain it only leaves you more alienated, walled off and hollowed out. When everyone us is celebrating and we're inwardly struggling to maintain it can be hard.
Grief is one of those inexplicable phenomena that is different for everyone. It is a mistake to think something is wrong with you for still carrying this burden. We all process grief differently. Some things just take more time.
*
On numerous occasions over the years I've shared my brother's insights on handling stress during the holidays. My brother is a psychologist who writes about finding balance when dealing with anxiety, stress, anger, etc. In 2017 he produced a guest post on seeking balance when experiencing grief which I believe can be useful.
Sometimes we need to go further than write in a journal or unburden ourselves with a confidant. Sometimes we may need a professional counsellor whom we can talk with. Earlier this fall I learned about an online consortium of of therapists called TalkSpace. who provide assistance in this area, whether for you or a loved one you care about.
I never grew up Catholic, but upon reflection I can imagine the possibility that there could be something therapeutic in having a space where one can go to unburden oneself in an atmosphere of trust, where one's confidences will not be violated. This is what a doctor-patient relationship is about, enabling us to get help probing things that maybe we have a hard time facing alone.
I have no experience with TalkSpace myself. Here is a link to a testimony that was shared at Business Insider.
One way we can all reduce stress a little is to plan ahead and get our holiday shopping finished early this year.
Related Links
A comparison of two alternative online therapy processes.
Healing the Hurting Through Music
10 Classical Favorites That Can Lift You Higher
Disclaimer: This blog occasionally accepts forms of compensation for writing about certain topics. In all cases it is my intention to provide honest opinions, findings, beliefs, or experiences on those topics, events, or products. The views and opinions expressed here are my own. The references to TalkSpace are "sponsored content" but I would not write about them if I were aware of any red flags.
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