Intrigue and Illusion in War-Torn Vienna: Graham Greene's The Third Man

I discovered Graham Greene through a somewhat unusual path. I was on a quest to see all of Orson Welles' films. This proved to be an impossible task, but it did introduce me to a number of fine films, one of them being The Third Man, starring Welles along with Joseph Cotton, Trevor Howard and Alida Valli. I have never tired of the film with its Graham Greene DNA. 

Compelling plots, complex characters and atmospheric settings are all hallmarks of Graham Greene's novels. Recurring storylines revolve around universal themes--betrayal, corruption, moral failure, dignity, faith and redemption. 

While researching for this review, I learned that Greene himself had experience in the film industry previous to seeing his books translated to the silver screen. He worked as a film critic and wrote screenplays, which gave him an understanding of the cinematic medium and connections within the industry. (Ah, connections!) His experiences undoubtedly made it easier for his works to transition to film.

He was also one of several British writers who served in the British Secret Service (M6). This experience provided a level of authenticity to his writing. [Other well-known authors who were spies include Somerset Maugham, John LeCarre and Ian Fleming, creator of what is now the James Bond franchise.]

* * *

Graham Greene's novella The Third Man is a moral labyrinth as complex as the underground waterways of its setting, post-World War II Vienna. First published in 1949, it's a gripping tale of intrigue, deceit, and moral ambiguity. The story revolves around Rollo Martins, a hack writer of pulp Westerns, who arrives in the war-torn city at the invitation of his childhood friend, Harry Lime, superbly played by Welles in the film. Upon his arrival, however, Martins learns that Lime has been recently killed in a mysterious car accident.

Martins's initial grief quickly turns to suspicion when he hears inconsistencies in the various accounts of Lime's death. Determined to uncover the truth, Martins embarks on an investigation that leads him through the divided and corrupt city, encountering a host of intriguing characters, including the enigmatic Baron Kurtz and the weary British police officer, Major Calloway.

The novella masterfully captures the atmosphere of Vienna, a city struggling to recover from the devastation of war. Greene’s depiction of the bombed-out buildings, the black market dealings, and the pervasive sense of distrust and desperation adds a layer of realism and tension to the narrative. The setting is not just a backdrop but a character in its own right, reflecting the fractured and morally complex world in which the story unfolds.

As Martins delves deeper into the mystery of his friend's death, he discovers that Lime, far from being the innocent victim he imagined, was an illegal racketeer selling diluted penicillin on the black market, resulting in numerous deaths. This revelation forces Martins to confront the stark difference between the idealized image of his friend and the harsh reality of his criminal activities.

The novella's title refers to the elusive "third man" who was reportedly seen at the scene of Lime’s accident but whose identity remains unknown. This mystery propels the plot forward and symbolizes the hidden layers of truth that Martins must uncover.

The character of Harry Lime, charming yet deeply flawed, embodies the blurred lines between good and evil. Martins' disillusionment and loss of innocence resonates with readers and film buffs alike.

In the end, The Third Man is not just a thrilling mystery but a profound commentary on human nature and the consequences of moral compromise. Greene's vivid prose and intricate plotting keeps the pages turning, leaving readers to ponder the complexities of friendship in a world marked by chaos and uncertainty.

The "Orson Welles In Hollywood" Maze

Here's a maze that reflects the career of Orson Welles who once described his passage through Hollywood like this: "I started at the top and ended up at the bottom." His first picture in Hollywood was Citizen Kane in which he wrote, directed and starred in this epic film. By the end of his storied career he was doing television commercials, endorsing products for pay. Alas.

Here are hotlinks to a pair of blog posts I've written about The Third Man, a film in which he famously played a part. When I looked back through my archives just now I noticed that I'd begun several blog posts about other films featuring Welles including Compulsion, Touch of Evil, The Eyes of Orson Welles and F is for Fake. 

1. A Film Noir Favorite: The Third Man

2. Graham Greene's The Third Man Continues to Satisfy

Here is a link to the Orson Welles Wikipedia page. 

If you're interested in having your own career mapped out in the form of a maze (with ups, downs, dead ends and expanding horizons) send me an email and I'll see what we can work out.

Keep on keepin' on.

There's Magic in the Air at the Wild About Houdini Blogspot

While looking for information about Orson Welles I stumbled upon the Wild About Houdini blog which I had written about in 2014. Once there I noticed that there is a convention this weekend for the Texas Association of Magicians. 

While reading the story I noted that the University of Texas has an extensive collection of Houdini artifacts and memorabilia. Yesterday they even had a virtual "live tour" of the Houdini Collection at the Harry Ransom Center there.

Houdini was born in Hungary. When he was a boy his family emigrated to Appleton, Wisconsin where he became Erik Weiss and eventually Harry Houdini. Why, then, is the Houdini Collection in Texas? Probably the same reason the Bob Dylan Center is located in Tulsa: the funding. 

Having written about magicians and magic a number of times, I thought it may worthwhile to share some of those links here for those especially intrigued by the magic arts.

STORIES ABOUT MAGIC

Escape Artist, Magician, Inventor, Honest Cheat: How Following His Passion Unlocked Terry Roses' Career 

“Pick A Card. Any Card.” Misdirection in the Magic Arts

Is The Prestige the Greatest Movie About Magic and Magicians?

The Handcuff Kings

The Greatest Magician of All?

Houdini and the Chinese Water Torture Cell

The Instant Orange Tree Trick in the Illusionist Wasn't Just a Hollywood Fiction

* * * 

Do you enjoy the world of magic? Check out the magical John Cox blog titled Wild About Houdini.

May your weekend be magical and your hearts filled with light.

Throwback Thursday: A Film Noir Favorite, The Third Man

This week I again watched one of my fave film noir movies, The Third Man. Film noir was a style of Hollywood film, popular in the 40's and 50's that sought to expose and exploit the dark side of life. Themes were ambiguous, often not pretty, and occasionally considered scandalous. 

 

They were primarily black and white and gritty. Many have been resurrected less successfully than intended (eg. Cape Fear), though some have emulated the genre with superb flare (eg. L.A. Confidential). 

The Third Man 

The film -- starring Joseph Cotten, Orson Welles, Alida Valli and Trevor Howard -- is based on the novel by Graham Greene. The zither soundtrack is playful and somber simultaneously. If you've seen the film before the opening strumming will give you a lift as you know you're entering a story that has previously moved you. I have never tired of this interaction of these well defined characters with competing motives. 

 Unrelenting fascination is what I experience every time I watch this movie. It never seems old. It remains alive in my mind, haunting me, with its unearthly music, its dark, oblique photography and crisp, well-crafted storyline. 

Orson Welles excels, delivering some great lines and also one the best entrances in movie history to go along with a superb exit as well. It couldn't be better. I can't even express how I feel in words. If you've seen it it's worth re-visiting, and worth seeing if you haven't. 

The music track is Anton Karras on the zither. It greets you at the open and carries you through. When I hear the opening notes it awakens anticipation and memories simultaneously. 

Here's an informative review of the film from imdb.com 

Of all the movies during the studio era (pre-1960ish), there are three movies with cinematography that always stick out in my mind: Gregg Toland's work in Citizen Kane, Russel Mety's work in Touch of Evil, and Robert Krasker's work in The Third Man (all starring Orson Welles). 

I just recently saw a restored 35mm version of The Third Man. The vivid black and white visuals of a bombed out Vienna are breath-taking. Shadows are everywhere, a metaphor for the period detailed in this story. The unique way Krasker tilts the camera in some shots adds to the disorientation of the plot. And who can forget the first close-up of Welles with the light from an apartment room above splashing onto his face; one of the great entrances in movie history, made still more effective by the foreshadowing in the previous scene. Lime gives his old friend a smile that only Welles could give.

Here's my 2011 review of the film:  

Graham Greene The Third Man Continues to Satisfy

THIS REVIEW CONTAINS SPOILERS

Ten days ago I saw Graham Greene's The Third Man on someone's list of the fifty greatest films of all time and I felt compelled to rent it again. I've read the book at least twice, Greene being among my favorite novelists. I can't say how many times I've seen the film but invariably each time it's an enriching experience.

The story takes place in Vienna after World War II. The narrator is a hack writer of Westerns, Holly Martens (Joseph Cotton) from America who has come to Vienna to find his old college chum Harry Lime (Orson Welles). Upon arrival in the divided city (there is an American, French, Brit and Russian sector, as partitioned by the Allies) he learns that Lime has been killed in an accident outside the apartment house where Martens had been expecting to meet him. The witnesses, however, share conflicting details and Martens begins to suspect foul play.

It's not just the exotic settings that make a Graham Greene story such a thrill to read, but also the incredible way he allows the reader to see the story, even when the narrator doesn't get it. In this case Holly Martens, saturated with sentimentalism, believes only the best about his old friend, resisting all evidence to the contrary.

The third star in this film is the beautiful and somewhat unheralded Alida Valli as Anna Schmidt. Martens loves his friend because he doesn't know the truth about Harry; Anna is smitten by Harry in spite of the truth about him. Tumultuous tragic love smashes itself against the rocks with resigned futility.

I must also take a moment here to extol the cinematography. Shot in black and white mostly on location in Vienna, every frame is a work of beauty. So much of the film is at night, allowing wonderful contrasts and surrealistically stark scenes. This all works perfectly to set up the first appearance of Welles hiding in a dark doorway, his face suddenly illuminated when a light across the street flames to life.

At certain points in all our life stories light strikes from a new angle, revealing things we didn't previously understand. The clues were there all along, but until there is light nothing can be fully seen for what it is... whether we wish to see it or not.

* * * 

In case you can't tell, I really enjoyed this film. Each time I watch I catch subtle touches I'd missed previously. It's a film that has everything. Find it if you haven't seen it.

Marlene Dietrich Quotes and Reflections

Marlene Dietrich

I first learned the backstory on how Marlene Dietrich was discovered via the book Fun in a Chinese Laundry, Josef von Sternberg's autobiography of his life in Hollywood in the first half of the last century. The title has nothing to do with Chinese laundries and everything to do with the life of an interesting director. The title is essentially Clickbait, something a forward thinking Hollywood director might think of since who wants to read an autobiography about someone that they really hadn’t known all that well.

The film that set her career on fire was von Sternberg's The Blue Angel, of which the director produced both German and English versions. Her role as Lola-Lola garnered for her a contract with Paramount and she became one of the highest paid actresses in Hollywood.

I discovered von Sternberg through a reference by Orson Welles who had the upmost respect for the Austrian-born director who was also an artist with the camera.  Welles himself gave Marlene Dietrich some limelight in his distinctively dark Touch of Evil, which critics have ranked #2 in his directorial oeuvre, a notch behind his epic Citizen Kane.

Marlene Dietrich was famous for her husky, sultry voice and seductive good looks. There was, however, more to her than meets the eyes. Though she was not a central character in Touch of Evil, she was definitely a memorable one. All her scenes packed a punch. Here's a snippet from her last dialogue with Orson Wells:

Quinlan: Come on, read my future for me.
Tanya: You haven't got any.
Quinlan: Hmm? What do you mean?
Tanya: Your future's all used up.

You could read the whole story in these four lines.

As Tanya, the fortune teller in Touch of Evil

* * * *

Here are some Marlene Dietrich quotes to bring you home.

Dietrich as the Blue Angel, Lola-Lola.  I am reminded
 of Liza Minnelli in Cabaret.

On Quotations: "I love them because it is a joy to find thoughts one might have, beautifully expressed with much authority by someone recognizedly wiser than oneself."

On Forgiveness: "Once a woman has forgiven her man, she must not reheat his sins for breakfast."

"Most women set out to try to change a man, and when they have changed him they do not like him."

"America took me into her bosom when there was no longer a country worthy of the name, but in my heart I am German – German in my soul."

"The Germans and I no longer speak the same language."

Ms. Dietrich came to the U.S. during the turbulent period between the two world wars.

"The tears I have cried over Germany have dried. I have washed my face."

"The average man is more interested in a woman who is interested in him than he is in a woman with beautiful legs."

"Think twice before burdening a friend with a secret."

"Without tenderness, a man is uninteresting."

* * * *

Born in December 1901, the German-American actress passed away in May of 1992. 

Two Film Noir Favorites: The Third Man and Sweet Smell of Success

This fall I again watched two of my fave film noir movies, The Third Man and Sweet Smell of Success. Film noir was a style of Hollywood film, popular in the 40's and 50's that sought to expose and exploit the dark side of life. Themes were ambiguous, often not pretty, and occasionally considered scandalous.

They were primarily black and white and gritty. Many have been resurrected less successfully than intended (eg. Cape Fear), though some have emulated the genre with superb flare (eg. L.A. Confidential).

The Third Man

Joseph Cotten, Orson Welles, Alida Valli and Trevor Howard, based on the novel by Graham Greene. The zither soundtrack is playful and somber simultaneously. If you've seen the film before the opening strumming will give you a lift as you know you're entering a story that has previously moved you. I have never tired of the play of characters with competing motives.

1. Unrelenting fascination is what I have every time I watch this movie. It never seems old. It's in my mind, haunting me, with its unearthly music and its dark, oblique photography. And that great Orson Welles' speech, and also the best entrance in movie history to go along with the best exit in movie history. It couldn't be better. I can't even express how I feel in words. It's worth re-visiting, if you've seen it, and worth seeing if you haven't. The music track is Anton Karras on the zither. It greets you at the open and carries you through. When I hear the opening notes it awakens anticipation and memories simultaneously.

2. Of all the movies during the studio era (pre-1960ish), there are three movies with cinematography that always stick out in my mind: Gregg Toland's work in Citizen Kane, Russel Mety's work in Touch of Evil, and Robert Krasker's work in The Third Man (all starring Orson Welles funny enough). I just recently saw a restored 35mm version of The Third Man. The crisp black and white visuals of a bombed out Vienna are so breath-taking. Shadows are everywhere. The unique way Krasker tilts the camera in some shots adding to the disorientation of the plot. And who can forget the first close-up of Welles with the light from an apartment room above splashing onto his face; one of the great entrances in movie history (Lime gives his old friend a smile that only Welles could give.)
>>>Source: Reviewer at imdb.com

Here is my 2011 review. 

Sweet Smell of Success

The thick jazz intro by Elmer Bernstein is a perfect setup for this big film about power and influence. Who's got it? J.J. Hunsecker. Who wants it? Sidney Falco. Sidney's a publicity man from the slimeball school. He purportedly has the power to get PR for his clients, though the real power lies in J.J.Hunsecker's palm. And Hunsecker (Burt Lancaster) takes pleasure in crushing people. "Hunsecker is the golden ladder to where I want to get," says Falco (Tony Curtis). Oh the games people play.

There are four main characters in the story. Falco, Hunsecker, Hunsecker's sister Susie, and a jazz guitarist whose stage name is Steve Dallas.

In scene one Sidney Falco finds that a story he promised a client will not appear in tomorrow's Hunsecker column. Falco knows why. Susie is in love with the jazz guitarist and Hunsecker is expecting Falco to break it up. So within the first ten minutes we see what everybody wants. The music and the gritty black-and-white texture of the film are a tip-off.

The screenwriting is A-plus, line after zinger line. Acting is spot on, too. The emotional tension tightens with each turn of the screw.

Here's my 2016 review of this powerful story.

* * * *
If you like Film Noir and you're looking for films to add to your queue, check out this list of 100 All Time Film Noir Favorites 

Three of my favorites from that list besides the aforementioned: The Killing (Kubrick), Touch of Evil
and Chinatown.

* * * *
Though this blog post is about films, the two films cited above were also powerful books, which I also enjoyed immensely and have read more than once each.

While thinking about books it dawned on me that eBooks do seem to have a shortcoming when it comes to Christmas. No one will buy my eBook The Red Scorpion and place it under a Christmas tree. On the other hand, if you get some Christmas money and own an eBook reader, it's currently only a $2.99 download for this YA suspense thriller. (I'm raising the price by a dollar in January, fwiw.) More info here.

Tech Tuesday: A Dozen Quotes About Television

In May 2010 I asked the question "Is television more powerful than ever?"* The question came up because it was now 15 years since Michael Crichton declared in a National Press Club talk that television would be gone in ten years, replaced by the Internet. There were many who shared this optimism of technology convergence in which people would have a hybrid device that was computer and streaming video or something akin to that. Instead, we have HDTV and a range of monitor sizes, tablets, and smart phones so we can have it any way we want.

What surprised a lot of people is that television not only remained a primary source of information and entertainment for so many people, it also became the fodder that people wrote about and interacted about online.

In 2010 I wrote:

According to a "A Special Report on Television" in this week's The Economist (May 1st-7th), television is far from dead. The average person still spends more than three hours a day in front of the tube.

The special report has articles on various aspects of television in 2010. One article is about the problems of bringing TV programs to the Internet. Another discusses piracy issues, the television equivalent of Napster. A third shows how 3-D will emerge as a powerful new app for television, via sports. Another article takes time to assess the future of interactive TV.

The article that especially caught my eye was the one dealing with how people really watch television. One researcher spent 100,000 hours videotaping viewers to analyze their behavior and learned that most do not fast forward through commercials, and even though many say they are watching more TV online, they really aren't doing it as much as they say. In fact, most are more couch potato than they care to admit.

Who knows where television will really go. Instead TV's demise, many are calling this most recent wave of new programming "television's Golden Age." I have more to say on that topic, and will prepare those thoughts for another day.

Here's a baker's dozen quotes I gleaned from Goodreads:

“People are sheep. TV is the shepherd.”
― Jess C. Scott

“If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.”
― Erma Bombeck

“If everyone demanded peace instead of another television set, then there'd be peace.”
― John Lennon

“Most people gaze neither into the past nor the future; they explore neither truth nor lies. They gaze at the television.”
― Radiohead

“Television is the soma of Aldous Huxley's Brave New World.”
― Robert MacNeil

“The chief problem with television is that, for those who watch it consistently, it undermines and eventually destroys the ability to think. This is because it communicates primarily images, not by words, and words are necessary if we are to perceive logical connections and make judgments as to what is right and wrong.”
― James Montgomery Boice

I quit watching television when I realized it couldn't comfort me when I was grieving."
― William Nesbitt

“On my tombstone, I want written, ‘He never did 'Love Boat!”
― Orson Welles

“The moral nihilism of celebrity culture is played out on reality television shows, most of which encourage a dark voyeurism into other people's humiliation, pain, weakness, and betrayal.”
― Chris Hedges 

“A celebrity is an object that the media manufactures today, just so they have a subject tomorrow.”
― Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“We chose younger and younger politicians to lead us because they looked good on television and were sharp. But really we should be looking for wisdom, and choosing people who had acquired it; and such people, in general, looked bad on television - gray, lined, thoughtful.”
― Alexander McCall Smith

“Even if tomorrow will be the end of the world, people will still continue to watch television for whole day!”
― Mehmet Murat ildan

“The dumbest thing I ever did? Buying a TV. The smartest thing I ever did? Giving that TV away.”
― Mokokoma Mokhonoana


* * * *

Meantime, life goes on all around you, within you and without you.


* "Is Television More Powerful Than Ever?", Ennyman's Territory, May 8, 2010.
Art credits: Ed Newman. Top right titled A Post Modern Man is available for purchase at Lakeside Gallery, Duluth.

With April Fools Day Coming On Fast...

This is a re-post of a blog entry from about seven years ago or so. Today is March 2 and April 1 is coming up fast. I wanted to make sure you had a little time to get ready, in case you'd like to plan something big this year.

* * * *
Despite the fact that it occurred long before we were born, most of us are familiar with the great hoax Orson Welles played on American radio listeners when he re-created H.G. Wells' story of a martian attack in 1939. Welles' Mercury Radio Theater performance was so compelling that people literally fled their homes to escape the horrific assault on planet earth. The story was fabricated, but the fear it generated was real.

My brother and I used to get a kick out of fooling our mom when we were kids. I'm not sure why we found it so amusing, but it is certainly a widespread phenomenon. That is, for some reason, people sometimes like to mess with peoples' heads. We even devote a special day to to it once a year.... April Fools Day.

Here are four brief summaries of April Fools pranks that the media played on a believing public in years gone by. I've forgotten where I copied these from, but thought them worth saving when I read them and worth sharing when I found them in my files again tonight. As you can see, it isn't only Americans who are susceptible to outrageous tomfoolery.

The Swiss Spaghetti Harvest

In 1957 the respected BBC news show Panorama announced that thanks to a very mild winter and the virtual elimination of the dreaded spaghetti weevil, Swiss farmers were enjoying a bumper spaghetti crop. It accompanied this announcement with footage of Swiss peasants pulling strands of spaghetti down from trees. Huge numbers of viewers were taken in, and many called up wanting to know how they could grow their own spaghetti trees. To this question, the BBC diplomatically replied that they should "place a sprig of spaghetti in a tin of tomato sauce and hope for the best."

Instant Color TV

In 1962 there was only one TV channel in Sweden, and it broadcast in black and white. The station's technical expert, Kjell Stensson, appeared on the news to announce that thanks to a newly developed technology, all viewers could now quickly and easily convert their existing sets to display color reception. All they had to do was pull a nylon stocking over their TV screen, and they would begin to see their favorite shows in color. Stensson then proceeded to demonstrate the process. Reportedly, hundreds of thousands of people, out of the population of seven million, were taken in. Actual color TV transmission only commenced in Sweden on April 1, 1970.

The Taco Liberty Bell

In 1996 the Taco Bell Corporation announced that it had bought the Liberty Bell from the federal government and was renaming it the Taco Liberty Bell. Hundreds of outraged citizens called up the National Historic Park in Philadelphia where the bell is housed to express their anger. Their nerves were only calmed when Taco Bell revealed that it was all a joke a few hours later. The best line inspired by the affair came when White House press secretary Mike McCurry was asked about the sale, and he responded that the Lincoln Memorial had also been sold, though to a different corporation, and would now be known as the Ford Lincoln Mercury Memorial.

Nixon for President

In 1992 National Public Radio's Talk of the Nation program announced that Richard Nixon, in a surprise move, was running for President again. His new campaign slogan was, "I didn't do anything wrong, and I won't do it again." Accompanying this announcement were audio clips of Nixon delivering his candidacy speech. Listeners responded viscerally to the announcement, flooding the show with calls expressing shock and outrage. Only during the second half of the show did the host John Hockenberry reveal that the announcement was a joke. Nixon's voice was impersonated by comedian Rich Little.

Greene's The Third Man Continues To Satisfy

THIS REVIEW CONTAINS SPOILERS

Ten days ago I saw Graham Greene's The Third Man on someone's list of the fifty greatest films of all time and I felt compelled to rent it again. I've read the book at least twice, Greene being among my favorite novelists. I can't say how many times I've seen the film but invariably each time it's an enriching experience.

The story takes place in Vienna after World War II. The narrator is a hack writer of Westerns, Holly Martens (Joseph Cotton) from America who has come to Vienna to find his old college chum Harry Lime (Orson Welles). Upon arrival in the divided city (there is an American, French, Brit and Russian sector, as partitioned by the Allies) he learns that Lime has been killed in an accident outside the apartment house where Martens had been expecting to meet him. The witnesses, however, share conflicting details and Martens begins to suspect foul play.

A reviewer who calls himself Snow Leopard wrote this about it:
This is a rare film that is flawless in every respect. It combines great acting and memorable characters with a fascinating story, taking place in an interesting setting and adding a creative musical score. "The Third Man" is remembered for many things - for Orson Welles' wonderful performance in his appearances as Harry Lime, for its wonderfully appropriate musical score, and for its nicely conceived plot surprises. Adding to these is Joseph Cotten's fine portrayal of Holly Martins, which holds the rest of it together - it is his character who initiates most of the action, and also through whom we view everything and everyone else.

Of this last statement I must comment. It's not just the exotic settings that make a Graham Greene story such a thrill to read, but also the incredible way he allows the reader to see the story, even when the narrator doesn't get it. In this case Holly Martens, saturated with sentimentalism, believes only the best about his old friend, resisting all evidence to the contrary.

The third star in this film is the beautiful and somewhat unheralded Alida Valli as Anna Schmidt. Martens loves his friend because he doesn't know the truth about Harry; Anna is smitten by Harry in spite of the truth about him. Tumultuous tragic love smashes itself against the rocks with resigned futility.

I must also take a moment here to extol the cinematography. Shot in black and white mostly on location in Vienna, every frame is a work of beauty. So much of the film is at night, allowing wonderful contrasts and surrealistically stark scenes. This all works perfectly to set up the first appearance of Welles hiding in a dark doorway, his face suddenly illuminated when a light across the street flames to life.

At a certain point in all our life stories, lights go on and reveal things we didn't previously understand. The clues were there all along, but until there is light nothing can be fully seen for what it is... whether we wish to see it or not.

Toward Ever Greater Efficiencies

It really is a whole new world out there. Yesterday I was talking with a friend about the efficiencies the Internet offers. Instead of driving to the bookstore and looking for a book, I can go to amazon.com and read reviews, buy it used or new and never leave my office. The retailers who have “pure” eCommerce businesses never concern themselves with a dressy showroom floor, sales staff standing around waiting for customers or any of that. They have shelves and a warehouse, servers and tech people keeping the show running. Efficiency is the name of the game.

Well, salespeople are learning about efficiencies, too. Instead of platte(sp) books and trips to the library or County Office Building, they have been discovering an increasing variety of web tools to help generate leads, reduce time preparing contact lists, etc.

Here’s an interesting story about a guy in real estate, Justin McClelland, who found a screen scraping tool for harvesting data and organizing it. The product he found is Mozenda and the amazing thing for Justin was that he could do it for two weeks on a free trial basis. What I found interesting is how quickly he learned it, and also how quickly he was eager to share this “secret weapon” with others. He even made a YouTube video to show how easy it is to use.

Evidently the program is so easy to use he didn’t even need to call tech support, though he acknowledges that he has a small measure of programming or computer-related experience.

McClelland’s business is called Schwaps.com and to my surprise I was able to find and follow him on Twitter under the handle Schwaps if you want to follow him.

Maybe you know a few efficiencies yourself. Certainly Google has helped make finding information easy. I routinely found myself calling the library help desk to verify information earlier in my writing career. I can’t remember the last time I called the library help desk.

Efficiency isn’t everything, but it’s something. It helps companies remain competitive in a fast paced world. In Orson Welles’ film adaptation of Kafka’s The Trial the main character works as an accountant at a company in which there are more than eight hundred accountants sitting at desks with ledger books and adding machines. That room full of adding machines has been replaced by a computer today.

The human cost of progress is a major challenge for business owners when it comes to the efficiencies of automation and technology. This was my friend's concern. How far should we go in the adaptation of technologies that replace jobs? On the other hand, in a global economy, to what extent do we have a choice as other countries produce goods with increasing ease and reduced costs?

That was the real discussion yesterday. He said that business consultants are now reading Seneca, the Roman stoic philosopher, in order to have a more humane approach to decisions affecting employees. My feeling is that failing to incorporate efficiencies into a business model is a sure way to doom it so that all your employees' jobs are imperiled.

If I get a chance, I might examine Seneca, but the Golden Rule is pretty good guidance, too, when it comes to treatment of employees: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." And as for efficiency, it is one part of the equation for success that keeps us competitive, helping us to leverage our time so we can do the real work of closing deals, providing good service or producing products needed in the marketplace.

Ask Justin McClelland. Would he rather spend four hours or four thousand hours assembling a list of prospects for his business?

I'm Not Making This Up

Despite the fact that it occurred long before we were born, most of us are familiar with the great hoax Orson Welles played on American radio listeners when he re-created H.G. Wells' story of a martian attack in 1939. Welles' Mercury Radio Theater performance was so compelling that people literally fled their homes to escape the horrific assault on planet earth. The story was fabricated, but the fear it generated was real.

My brother and I used to get a kick out of fooling our mom when we were kids. I'm not sure why we found it so amusing, but it is certainly a widespread phenomenon. That is, for some reason, we like to mess with peoples' heads sometimes. We even devote a special day to to it once a year.... April Fools Day.

Here are four brief summaries of April Fools jokes that were played on a believing public by the media in years gone by. I've forgotten where I copied these from, but thought them worth saving when I read them and worth sharing when I found them in my files again tonight. As you can see, it isn't only Americans who are susceptible to outrageous tomfoolery.

The Swiss Spaghetti Harvest
In 1957 the respected BBC news show Panorama announced that thanks to a very mild winter and the virtual elimination of the dreaded spaghetti weevil, Swiss farmers were enjoying a bumper spaghetti crop. It accompanied this announcement with footage of Swiss peasants pulling strands of spaghetti down from trees. Huge numbers of viewers were taken in, and many called up wanting to know how they could grow their own spaghetti trees. To this question, the BBC diplomatically replied that they should "place a sprig of spaghetti in a tin of tomato sauce and hope for the best."

Instant Color TV
In 1962 there was only one TV channel in Sweden, and it broadcast in black and white. The station's technical expert, Kjell Stensson, appeared on the news to announce that thanks to a newly developed technology, all viewers could now quickly and easily convert their existing sets to display color reception. All they had to do was pull a nylon stocking over their TV screen, and they would begin to see their favorite shows in color. Stensson then proceeded to demonstrate the process. Reportedly, hundreds of thousands of people, out of the population of seven million, were taken in. Actual color TV transmission only commenced in Sweden on April 1, 1970.

The Taco Liberty Bell
In 1996 the Taco Bell Corporation announced that it had bought the Liberty Bell from the federal government and was renaming it the Taco Liberty Bell. Hundreds of outraged citizens called up the National Historic Park in Philadelphia where the bell is housed to express their anger. Their nerves were only calmed when Taco Bell revealed that it was all a joke a few hours
later. The best line inspired by the affair came when White House press secretary Mike McCurry was asked about the sale, and he responded that the Lincoln Memorial had also been sold, though to a different corporation, and would now be known as the Ford Lincoln Mercury Memorial.

Nixon for President
In 1992 National Public Radio's Talk of the Nation program announced that Richard Nixon, in a surprise move, was running for President again. His new campaign slogan was, "I didn't do anything wrong, and I won't do it again." Accompanying this announcement were audio clips of Nixon delivering his candidacy speech. Listeners responded viscerally to the announcement,
flooding the show with calls expressing shock and outrage. Only during the second half of the show did the host John Hockenberry reveal that the announcement was a joke. Nixon's voice was impersonated by comedian Rich Little.